


Snowball Effect

by mayo_the_edgelord



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Gore, Heavy Angst, Levi said eat the rich, Multi, Non-Mutual Pining, Oc appreaciates the effort, Pre-Canon, Young Levi is taking names and kicking some serious butt, and trauma is his bitch, but guys he's trying to learn, graphic violcence, he's also bad at feelings, one-sided feelings are not so fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:46:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 40,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27685109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayo_the_edgelord/pseuds/mayo_the_edgelord
Summary: There's a phenomenon called the snowball effect.It is said that when a handful of snow slips off the top of a slope, it builds up and merges with more snow until it creates an avalanche. Levi doesn't know to what extent this is true, since he's never seen that much fucking snow in his twenty-five years of life. Granted, he hadn't even seen the sky until he was twenty-one, but that's beside the point.Aza said that the term Snowball Effect explains how a small action can lead to something disastrous and...that's Levi's only justification for this fucking mess.
Relationships: Levi & Hange Zoë, Levi & Original Female Character(s), Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 49





	1. The Line of Shame

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Some things to keep in mind before you start reading:  
> \- I started writing this with the purpose of exploring Levi's character arc before the fall of Maria, and it turned into...something much bigger.   
> \- Here Levi is depicted as a tad bit more hotheaded, due to the fact that he's younger than canon. I haven't altered his characterization in any other way.   
> -They/Them pronouns for Hange, thank you.   
> -PoV's will be exchanged between Levi and the Oc.   
> \- I have a tumble (@mayotheedgelord) where I sometimes post sketches I make for this and my other fics. You're welcome to ask me any and all questions about this, or any of my other pieces. I'd be happy to answer :))

The part of her job that Aza hates the most, is the return ride after a mission.

Now, that may have sounded ungrateful. She doesn't hate the fact that she manages to return from her missions alive, no. She does, though, hate the lengthy horse rides of the (remaining) squad, through the narrow streets of Wall Rose, while citizens are watching intently. 

Certainly, there are plenty of things to hate about being a Scout. Enough to counter the things one might love, the way she does. Yet, somehow, those rides are Aza's choice despise. The dried up blood staining her already damp clothes, that clung uncomfortably on her body, the metal of her heavy gear, clinging with every bounce of her horse, the surrounding, incomprehensible whispers of the passer-by's, and even the people's hopeful and terrified faces, while their eyes scan through the oncoming soldiers, searching for their loved ones, and so often not finding them. 

She hated it. Perhaps because she knew what it felt like to stand along with those waiting figures, hands clasped together in a silent prayer that is about to go unanswered.

"Tch."

Now, there's the voice of someone who might just hate these rides more than Aza does.

She whipped her head, having learned to answer to that sound. Her eyes landed on the Captain and immediately noticed the way his jaw was locked a bit tighter than usual. He gave her a firm nod towards the street's sidelines. When Aza followed his gesture with her gaze, picked out a pair of children, trying to squish their faces amongst the taller adults, to sneak a view of the squad. 

No further instructions needed, Aza hopped down from her steed and guided it towards the children by the leash. She squatted in front of them, making sure her horse's body blocked the view of the oncoming caravan that carried the dead. It was light this time around, only weighed down by one body, the condition of which no child should witness.

Private first class, Emmanuel Stains. Aza didn't know him well, though she had heard about his excellent pancake-making skills. Word has it that the quarter's hallway smelled like a bakery every time he stepped in a kitchen. She hoped they had flour wherever this fellow was going. It'd be a shame if his skills went to waste. 

A smile lit up her face when her head leveled with the two children. A girl and boy, seemingly related, if their matching eyes were any proof of it.   
"Hello there," she greeted, her voice warm and welcoming.

They looked upon her, partially stunned.  
"H-Hi," the girl stammered, fingers fidgeting with the edges of her tulle skirt.

"Are you waiting for someone?" Aza asked, hoping for a negative answer. 

The boy shook his head, an affirmative 'no'.   
"We uh..." he tried to peep his head past Aza's body. She mirrored his movements, deliberately covering his line of sight. "We just wanted to take a look at the Scots, ma'am."

Aza's smile playfully dropped.   
"Ma'm? Please, I'm not old enough for that, yet."

The children let out a brief chuckle that they tried to suppress, given the surrounding atmosphere. The rhythmical trotting of the horses broke through the buzz of various whispers. Aza kept an eye out for the passing caravan but masked her concern with a tight-lipped smile. 

"Well, then, you really shouldn't be here without a supervisor," she scolded, lightly enough to not scare them. They were doing no harm, after all, and Aza knew well enough that the Captain's silent order to approach them was only meant for their sakes. 

Nonetheless, the girl panicked, obviously not used to being reprimanded.   
"Actually, he dragged us here because he wanted to see Lance Corporal Levi!" she said, pointing a finger at her young companion, ratting him out.

"Frida!" the boy gasped at the accuse. "First off, I'm telling ma it was you that broke her favorite mug!" His threat didn't seem to be empty, given that his sister looked mortified. ", and second, it's Captain Levi now, not Lance Corporal." 

Indeed, Corporal Ackerman had just been promoted to Captain, only last week. News spread fast it seems, especially whatever has to do with the infamous Scout Regiment. In reality, having ranked-up to a Captain at the ripe age of twenty-five was more than a surprising feat, though if you'd try to congratulate Ackerman on it, he'd downplay it to dirt. 

As he did, in fact, when Aza had walked into his office with a bag of his favored black tea in hand, to give him the congratulations in order. More specifically, he'd said;  
'Everyone and their Aunt Mary can become Captain when the Regiment has a mortality rate the height of the Walls.'

He did keep the tea, though, so Aza didn't count the gift as a complete failure. 

She snickered at the boy's enthusiasm and lightly shook her head.   
"I'll tell you what," she started, standing on her feet again since the carriage was long gone. "I can perhaps convince him to give you his old cape if you promise me I won't catch you around the return parades again. Deal?"

Of course, she couldn't do such a thing. Even if the Captain had an old cape- which he doesn't because he continuously stitches over his current one- Aza wouldn't be the one to convince him to give it up. But she'd say whatever nonsense would keep these two away from these streets, unsupervised. This was hardly a place for an adult to be around, let alone a child.

Besides, how could she feel bad for lying when the boy's grin touched up to his ears, and his face lit like the city hall's garden on the holidays.

"Yes, ma'am! I-I mean..." he paused to check on Aza's left arm for the patch of her rank. "Yes, Officer!" he saluted with utmost confidence, as Aza stepped her way on top of the saddle again.

She galloped away, trying to catch up to her formation, fortunately before the boy realized Aza had no way to deliver him this imaginary cape. Maybe if the stars aligned and she did see them again, she'd gift them her own cape as compensation. For now, she kept braiding small parts of her horse's mane, absentmindedly, as they trotted to the Headquarters. 

The approaching view of the stone building with the blue-tiled rooftops always filled Aza with a peculiar sense of satisfaction. She'd imagine it's the feeling of returning home late, after a long day of hard work. That's essentially what it was, except if 'home' was shared with dozens of other people, and 'work' involved a steamy bloodbath. 

Still, she found comfort in the dull routine she performed after each expedition. A kind of gratefulness, if you will, for being able to saddle off her horse, unstrap her gear, and give the poor animal a proper bath, after everything it's been through. She was exceptionally meticulous about it too. Admittedly, anyone would, if they had been served as many stable duty punishments as Aza. 

The horse didn't seem to mind the extra effort either, letting its grey ears relax around Aza's presence, something that she had figured out was a good sign. As embarrassing as it is to remember, this particular steed was the only one in the Regiment that allowed Aza to ride it without kicking her off in the first five minutes. She hadn't realized the extent of how much animals disliked her until she had her first riding course. To say it was a disappointment, wouldn't be doing that day justice. 

Still, even though her grey companion had stuck with her for two years now, Aza hadn't given it a name. She had delayed too much on doing so and now the steed only responded to whistles and variations of _'horsie'._

A familiar sense of comfort carried her through the last brushing stroke of the horse's mane, and she stepped back to admire her work. Unlike Horsie, a thorough bath and a brush-out of her tangled hair weren't enough to help Aza down the adrenaline high. Hours later, she tried to recall that familiar comfort in a failing attempt to calm her tapping foot and twitching hands while standing outside the Captain's room. 

A good while was spent on contemplating whether to knock on the door. The Captain hadn't been in his office when she had knocked, and he was neither seen on the training grounds, nor the kitchens. Aza should have thought he was in his room before checking all those places but it had slipped her mind. The Captain never seemed to use his sleeping quarters. 

She took the nearly burned out cigarette out of her mouth and dropped it between the floorboards as if that would help her make a decision any faster.

 _This is pathetic,_ she thought to herself, hoping that would shake off her nerves. What was there to be stressed about? She converses with the Captain all the time.  
More like annoys him, actually, since he doesn't participate in the conversation all that much. And that happens in his office. Not his personal quarters.

Not that it matters much. The Captain always seems to be annoyed, and Aza's appetite for witty banter only seems to gas the fire. That was the fun part.

Was this her overstepping her boundaries, or overreacting? The hour was definitely inappropriate, though, so maybe he was trying to sleep. Aza shouldn't disturb him. Yes, she would stop by his office tomorrow morning and-

Her knuckles raised and knocked on the cheap wood, as though her hand had a mind on its own. She sighed at the silence that followed.  
"It's Officer Macht," she called. 

Silence. 

"You know...Aza,"   
_Yes, he has been knowing for three years, the reminder is needless._  
"May I have a word?" 

"Come in."

Once the faintest sign of an answer echoed, Aza let herself in the room, hurriedly collecting her scattered thoughts into the neatest monologue starter she could think of. Thankfully, the Captain gave her panicking mind an opening to avoid that monologue. 

Levi was sitting on a quavering stool, in front of the standard wooden desk, every Scout had in their room. As soon as Aza had entered, he shoved a handful of papers under a few folders and proceeded to lay his elbows on them, conspicuously. 

"What did you just hide, sir?" Aza restrained herself from musing the question, though her quirking eyebrow was, frankly, inevitable. 

"I didn't hide anything," he denied, tone and gaze characteristically dull.

Aza's head tilted to the side, and in turn, the Captain's gaze hardened, bringing out his prominent dark circles. A flimsy attempt to persuade her to drop the subject, really. Maybe three years weren't enough to know her well, after all. 

"Your 'act natural' face is pretty convincing, I'll admit, but my eyes work perfectly fine." Her features twisted in pretense-shock, adding to the fun she (alone) was having.  
"Should I just assume the worst and go with it? Perse, a stolen document...or proof of tax fraud or...oh! a nude portrait of someone."

Had it been anyone else, Aza wouldn't have dreamed of talking to a superior in that fashion. Captain Ackerman, though, has been known for his... less than ideal communicative skills. 'less than ideal', meaning they heavily rely on passive insults that he expects no one to get offended by. Similarly, Aza expects him not to get offended by whatever crap comes out of her mouth, so long as it is delivered with a smile.

The 'how she instantly regrets speaking the crap almost always' is another discussion.

"I sever anthropomorphic creatures for a living. You think erotic art is where I draw the line of shame, Macht?" 

Blatant as ever. The eye roll was a marvelous finishing touch.  
Despite Aza being confident that the Captain never takes any offense, it's always nice to have confirmation.

"Then you wouldn't mind it if I..." she swiftly leaned over the desk and snatched the paper out of the folder's pressure before Levi could stop her. Aza strongly believed that if he wanted to stop her, he would have.

She examined the paper in her hands with a victorious smirk. It was a spreadsheet of printed capital letters in calligraphy, each one coupling with a handwritten, sloppy copy of itself. She didn't recognize the handwriting, and she had a feeling not even the ower would, by how messy it was. Aza lifted her gaze to meet the Captain's, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"You're teaching yourself how to write?"

He grabbed the paper out of her hands before she could register, and tore it to pieces. His frown grew unusually deep.  
"I know how to write, you podge. Just not prettily enough. My calligraphy is shit, and my spelling can turn one blind."

Apart from his foul mouth, there was no other indication that the Captain was anything but highly educated. His speech was eloquent enough and his mannerisms gentle, almost calculated. Not to mention his cleaning habits, fit to someone who grew up in silks. Aza was sure that wasn't the case, but then again, he never ceases to amaze.

He would do that, sometimes. He would let out small snippets about his life before the military. And then Aza would try and put those together like puzzle pieces. Three years of knowing the Captain, and she still hadn't finished the puzzle. It seemed as though the more pieces she put in, the more complicated it became.

Levi didn't know how to write properly. This new, particular piece bothered Aza.

She took the liberty of taking a few steps closer to lean her waist on the edge of the desk. All previous playfulness was gone out of the window, just as quickly as it had appeared.  
"Why the sudden decision to hone your skills now, if I may ask?"

He scoffed, his hands busying themselves with straightening his stack of papers.   
"Why else? I'm Captain now, I can't send in the paperwork that looks like it's been edited by a fucking toddler." 

Aza thought she might have imagined the gulp Levi suppressed. A nervous gulp. It was certainly strange, seeing him this rattled and concerned about what people will think about his handwriting, of all things. As far as she knew, the Captain couldn't give half a dime about what anyone had to throw at his name. This was somehow different. Surely served as a nice reminder that the Captain was...well, human. Sometimes people tended to forget.

Aza grew quiet, not sure how to handle this newfound, slightly insecure side of the Captain. Getting to him when he was being his usual grumpy self or even irritated, was far easier, and more familiar to her. As a cadet, she had even made a code, matching each expression of Levi's to a reason. 

Furrowed eyebrows meant mild annoyance.   
Quirked lips meant something was not cleaned appropriately.   
And may God have mercy on whoever saw the Captain grit his teeth.

This; the avoiding gaze and defensive, stiff posture, wasn't on Aza's code.

"So, are you going to explain why you barged into my office at this hour, or was it just to step on my last unbothered nerve?"

There. Venom-dripped snark. Now _that,_ she could work with. 

Aza took in a breath, preparing herself for a conversation she hated to have.  
"I need a favor."

"Forget it," he retorted almost immediately and refocused on his paperwork, which made Aza sigh in defeat. "I don't work with favors. What do you take me for? A fucking Mitras merch?"

If she was being honest with herself, Aza knew fully well that the Captain doesn't do well with giving favors. She knew it and yet had dared ask for one. And that's how much she needed it. Perhaps it's one-way favors that piss Ackerman off. So if she could just...

"How about an exchange then, sir? You do me this solid, and I help you with your writing practice."

At this, he raised his head ever the slightest, eyes peeking at her with mild interest.  
"Still sounds like merch talk, and I doubt you know shit about calligraphy."

"I took lessons up until the age of sixteen if you must know. My handwriting looks neater than a typer's, Captain."

He tsked, leaning back on his chair a bit. Now he was actually listening to her.   
"Right, I forgot you're a rich kid."

"Former rich kid."

He probably hadn't even forgotten about it, but that argument fitted their banter well enough. Besides, the Captain never missed a chance to rub Aza's privileged upbringing into her face. There was something about wealthy people, she'd noticed, that he just could not stand. Another troubling puzzle piece.

"Do we have a deal then?" she asked, standing a bit straighter.

"Not until you tell me what that favor is about." 

If the Captain can expose his terrible writing skills and then accept Aza's help, then she can surely let him on the loop of her soon-to-be-regretted plan, right? Right. It wouldn't be the first time she embarrasses herself in front of him. Most likely, it wouldn't be the last, either.  
  
"I want a personal leave for tomorrow afternoon. Family business."

She made it sound as formal and impersonal as possible, in the hopes Levi wouldn't spot the mental fatigue in her tone. He paused for a brief second, showing no definite signs of surprise. 

"And why don't you take that up with Erwin?" came the sound question.

"I was hoping to keep it quiet since I haven't yet completed my required days for a leave."

It sure took some nerve to barge into the Captain's room asking for an unauthorized personal leave, and Aza wasn't exactly comfortable with that. However, knowing the Captain (as little as Aza, or anyone did), he gave little care about both standard procedure and Aza's leave. 

Another moment of brief silence passed, during which he pretended to contemplate the request.   
"Be back by nightfall," he said and Aza could hardly control her smirk. "and you owe me a new calligraphy print."

Aza was ready to show herself out, but she paused mid-way Levi's statement.   
"Does this mean you'll let me teach you?" 

Levi blinked slowly, face indifferent.  
"It means I need a new print."

That was a _yes_ , if Aza had ever gotten one from him.

She nodded, not bothering to salute on her way to the door, partly because she knew the Captain despised the formalities, and partly because she did too. 

"Goodnight, Captain."

"Piss off, rich kid."


	2. The perks of a Name

Maybe the reason Aza felt like the headquarters were her home, was because the sight of her actual porch made her stomach flip in the nastiest of ways.

Nothing about the polished, wooden outline and crystal clear windows of this Trost house planted any sense of familiarity or comfort into her. If anything, it did the exact opposite. It made her want to bail and start running back to the HQ's stables, with her tail between her legs.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the long-awaited answering of the door. 

"Mother," Aza greeted, reluctantly opening her arms for a hug. 

Her mother stepped in them, a bit more instinctually than Aza had expected. She couldn't even remember the last time her mother had hugged her this tightly, to the point where her shirt wrinkled beneath the grasp. The last time she hugged her at all, even. Affectionate actions were never this woman's forte. Aza would guess this sudden change in demeanor was the aftermath of her going on another expedition with the Scouts. 

"What took you so long?" her mother immediately reprimanded once she let go of the embrace. "I heard your squad returned yesterday, but I was down at the shop and couldn't arrive at the entrance in time."

Aza sighed, trying her hardest to keep the kind smile on her face while ushering her mother back inside.   
"Mother, if anyone could waltz in and out of Head Quarters as they pleased, it wouldn't be the military."

Aza closed the door with her foot, fortunately, without her mother seeing and scolding about footprints on the wood. She followed her through the entrance hall with slow steps, taking in some of the slight changes in decoration. Her mother's voice died in the background whilst Aza looked around. Some new cushions were laying on the couch, no doubt handmade, along with what seemed to be her mother's current tailoring project. 

With hesitant movements, Aza picked up the black velvet end of the garment, admiring the near-invisible stitching. If nothing else, her mother was a brilliant tailor.   
"This is beautiful," she called for her mother to hear in the kitchen.

"Why thank you, it's been taking forever." responded a distant voice. "By the way, Esther stopped by the shop yesterday. She was asking of you."

The fabric fell from within Aza's grasp. She froze in place, feeling the immediate scowl taking over her face.   
"I do hope you told her to piss off," she said, instantly regretting the use of language.

"I did no such thing!" The false shock in her mother's tone was just that. False. She couldn't have been surprised at Aza's bitter comment. How was one supposed to react when facing the fact that their ex is having dealings with their mother while they're out in the wilderness, getting showered in Titan blood?

"She was hoping you two could talk," came another attempt at this conversation.

Aza couldn't help the scoff as she made her way to the kitchen.   
"After three years of expertly avoiding me, she suddenly hopes we can chat? Hoping is all she will be doing, then."

A very pleasant, yet strong smell emitted from the kitchen, which lured Aza in, briefly making her forget about the rattling of her nerves. The way she moved about the house, as though she was a first-time visitor, was almost comical. Chicken pie, she figured as soon as she entered the small room, slowly cooking in the oven.

Of course, her mother's appearance didn't indicate that she was the one doing the cooking, but rather a well-dressed housewife that happened to be passing by. Hair combed to perfection, even though she expected no visitors. And that string of pearls hanging from her thin neck...Aza could have sworn she'd never seen her without that neckless.

Her mother stopped her midway through taking a seat at the already-set table.   
"Ah-uh! No weapons on the table. You know the rules." 

A small, this time effortless, smile graced Aza's lips. Partly it was evoked by the change of subject, not wishing to acknowledge Esther's surprise visit, but mainly, it was the memories this scolding evoked, which caused her to smile.

Yes, she knew the rules. They have existed ever since her father had the same tendency to sit at their table while strapped to the teeth with 3DMG. Her muscle memory kicked in and she started undoing her belts, eager to enjoy that chicken pie that had her stomach chanting. She hadn't had the time to change after her training, and rather took the walk straight here, not even bothering to leave her gear behind. 

She had hardly laid the steam tanks on the floor when her mother's voice bit again in a knowing tone.   
"And the knife on your thigh."

Aza's reminiscent smile grew into a sly smirk. Her mother's instincts have been evolving.   
"It's a habit, mother."

The oven opened up, releasing more of the pie's intoxicating smell, and her mother revealed their dinner through the smokescreen. She placed in carefully on the table, proceeding to take off her mittens as though they were gown gloves.

"A lousy habit," she said, tone harsher than she'd thought it would come out. "And no doubt you picked it up from him."

Aza knew "him" meant the Captain, just as well as she knew that her mother had been spot-on about the origins of the habit. Having a knife on her at all times was one of the first skills Ackerman had managed to drill into her brain, back when he was merely an instructor, and Aza a cadet, with the street smarts of a frog.

'Your knife is your best friend on the battlefield,' he used to say. And he was absolutely right. Aza would need more fingers to count the times her trusty knife had hauled her out of a tight spot.

"Serves as proof that Captain Ackerman was a good teacher."   
She set down the sheathed knife along with the rest of her gear, hoping the conversation subject would shift soon.

Her hopes went in vain, right after a brief pause during which her mother finally took a seat on the table, right across from Aza.

"I don't get what you see in him."

Aza gripped her utensils just a tad bit tighter and shoved a piece of the pie in her mouth to prevent her from speaking without thinking first. 

It was no secret that her mother wasn't particularly fond of Captain Ackerman, as she made no effort to conceal her dislike in front of Aza. The older woman's noble upbringing wouldn't let her take a liking to a man who was surrounded by rumors, speaking of his crude nature. Not to mention the ones about his criminal past, which were left up for interpretation, on his end. Either through a snarky remark or a full-blown insult, Aza's mother never hesitated to remind her just how unlikeable the Captain was in her eyes.

"I see his unique abilities, capable of protecting humanity," Aza replied, her tone a bit on edge. She tried her hardest not to ruin this dinner, she really did. Her mother was pushing her luck today.

"He's sower, brooding, and more than half the time, rude." 

Truer words have never been spoken, though Aza's mother had yet to have an actual conversation with Levi to prove her statement. At the end of the day, her opinion was built on town-talk, rumors, or negative assumptions. And by all means, they were only scraping at the surface of who Captain Ackerman truly was. 

Aza sometimes had to remind herself that she too, barely knew anything other than that same surface, for that, was only what Levi let people see.

"Being polite and social isn't needed on the Titan-killing business, and that's where he excels."

Her mother sighed and shook her head as if disappointed.   
"Since when did you start measuring the worth of a person based on his killing abilities?"

Aza dropped her utensils. Suddenly the pie's smell didn't seem that mouth-watering. Her appetite was gone, and so was her self-control.  
"You _know_ when," she said, not meeting her mother's eyes. 

A moment of uncomfortable silence followed but neither woman dared break it. The atmosphere was almost unsalvagable, judging by the route this dinner had taken, and by the saddened took on her mother's eyes. 

Aza wondered if she should cut her mother some slack. Yes, she was bitter, and constantly picked at sensitive subjects, but...she still had to endure the thought of her only child, riding out to possible death every few months, under the orders of a man she didn't like, let alone trust. 

Aza sighed apologetically, holding the bridge of her nose. Even then, her hand slightly twitched. Hopefully, it was noticeable only to her, and there wouldn't be any interventions about quitting smoking added to tonight's mix.

"In any case," she started with a cheery tone that promised to dissolve the tension in the room. "from what I recall, father seemed to like him."

Her mother snorted out a laugh. It's been ages since Aza had seen her spout a laugh like that. A genuine laugh. One that was meant for a family's quiet night in the view of a fireplace-lit living room. Not the collected giggle she used to perform at formal dinners.

"That proves nothing. Your father liked everyone." 

It was Aza's turn to laugh this time around.   
"He really did, didn't he?" 

It was then she decided that taking a personal leave wasn't a regretful plan. Perhaps she'd be able to live through this dinner for long enough.

* * *

Levi might just not be able to live through this fucking meeting.

Erwin is more than an eloquent speaker, he'd give him that, though he's only so pleasant for an hour tops, and that when his audience is sitting atop a horse, covered in cold sweat, with the lingering fear of a painful death gnawing at their insides. When the setting involved an office, a stack of files, and an oval table, Erwin's ability to keep Levi's attention was thrown out the window.

A successful mission, he'd called it, as if Levi didn't have to arrange a burial for Stain's upper body part just yesterday. 

On the other hand, the funeral office now recognized his letters and no longer asked questions about missing body parts or peculiar stains. 

If Levi wanted to look at the facts objectively, he'd recognize the goal of the mission was achieved. Hange got their precious vials of titan blood, tissue, and saliva they'd begged for, for months. They could now start on the research, which (although Levi wouldn't admit that to the doctor's face) sounded at least fucking useful. Having Four-Eyes sit out this mission due to her recent injury was more of a struggle than collecting Titan spit was. The idiot had their knee dislocated in a training session and could barely walk straight. That didn't stop them from trying to get on a horse and follow the rest of the squad anyway.

But Levi couldn't give a flying shit about being objective. 

They lost a soldier yesterday. He lost a soldier, in his first mission as captain. And no amount of humanity-salvaging research Shitty-Glasses could do with those vials could compensate for that loss. Not to Stain's family, at least. 

Of course, the mission was still marketed as a success, and the press was booming with luscious adjectives accompanying Levi's name. He resented it, not just for the obvious reasons, being he hated an incompetent ass-kissing, but because it also fueled Erwins hopes that the Scouts' reputation would start washing off the dirt that the MIlitary Police keeps throwing on them. Α fraudulent dream, that's for sure. 

Now, thanks to that shitty glimmer of encouragement Erwin and the council were showering in, the next Expedition's date was pushed forward. Three weeks' worth of rest, and then they'd set out again to continue the work on the forest bases.

Levi wouldn't be one to doubt Erwin's strategic abilities. Only a fool would. This plan, however, reeked to him of the worst possible smell. Superstition and fatalist shit aside, Levi felt as though hell would break loose if the Walls reopened so soon.

In other words, they were biting off more than they could chew. Erwin knew it, and still decided to take his chances, whilst the scouts are on the public's good graces. Levi knew it also, and chose to submit to Erwin's wishes, no questions asked. The Commander was possibly the only person who could get Levi to obey him without objections. 

Levi didn't like that, yet did nothing to stop it, all the same.

Just when he had thought the torture of nodding like a good subordinate for an hour, had come to an end, Erwin's call prevented him from rising from his seat.

"Levi, I almost forgot," he said while the rest of the higher officials cleared the office. Four-Eyes all but flew down the hallway and back to that shitty lab, they have been building. Their crouches were the only thing slowing them down.

Erwin sent an envelope sliding across the table's rough surface. Levi took it in his hands, reading the perfectly written inscription. 

To Captain Ackerman and the members of his leading troop.

"It's an invitation for you and your team to the Arenberg's annual formal dinner."

_The Arenbergs_. Possibly the richest family Wall Sina has ever had the chance to shoot out of its asshole. Filthy rich, at that. Owning half the construction leases of Mitras, they practically swim in cash. In a golden tub. Embroided with diamonds. 

"Splendid," Levi exclaimed, stuffing the envelope in his pant's pocket. "I was running out of firewood."

Levi didn't in fact own a fireplace, but he'd gladly built one if it meant throwing this piece of trash inside to burn. He turned towards the office's exit, yet Erwin stopped him before he could escape.

"Needless to say how important it is for both you, and your squad, to attend."

Levi blinked, then whipped his head to face Erwin with nothing sort of disgust painted in his features. The Commander looked completely unfazed, which gave Levi all the more reason to be concerned. 

"You can't be serious..."

"The echo of yesterday's feat is traveling across the streets, including the ones inside Wall Sina. Newspapers are starting to call you humanity's best hope." Before Levi could call bullshit, Erwin raised his palm, silencing him. "You have all made a name for yourselves, and it is now time to work through the perks of it."

"They're using us as fucking props," Levi huffed, irritation increasing with every passing second spent discussing this matter. "We make a breakthrough once, and now the high society of Mitras decides we're worth sitting on their fucking table? If anyone should be invited to that shitload of a dinner, it's Hange. It was their idea in the first place."

"I'm aware Lieutenant Zoe is the head of the Titan experiments, as I was the one who authorized them," Erwin backfired, his tone chilly. "And if the recognition of the Lieutenant is your primary concern, they can go in Stain's place."

Levi couldn't help the scoff that escaped him.  
"This is a fucking joke."

"Excellent publicity, and an even better business opportunity, is what it is. The Arenberg family has half the high society of Mitras wrapped around their ring-clad fingers. Rejecting an invitation from them in such a flippant manner is a sure way to ruin any smite of a chance there is for them to invest in our Regiment."

Because, of-fucking-course, it would come down to funding expenses. The mere realization of how right Erwin was, sickened Levi. He didn't have a moral code that applied to many things, yet if it ever came into question, Levi knew in his fucking core he would never beg for charity. Let alone beg the rich. Asking him to act as a puppet and mingle around their fancy dinners was as close to begging as it got. 

"I'll think about it," he said, knowing damn well he'd have to accept, and stormed out of Erwin's office with nothing more than a curt nod.

Trusting Erwin was Levi's biggest weakness, as far as he could tell.

Fucking Arenbergs, with their fucking blood-money, and their miserable, pretentious, glimmering parties. Levi conjured an image of himself, standing amongst them in some extravagant dinner hall, while the nobles becked around him like a swarm of fucking crows, sweating in an attempt to show decent interest in the Scout's work. 

Excellent publicity huh? Fucking pathetic is what it was. Let us see how excellent the publicity would be after Levi stabs the right eyeball of every bastard in the mansion before dessert is even served. Sure sounds like an interesting headline. 

Something caught his peripheral vision as he was walking down the sleeping quarter's hallway. He took a few backward steps so that he was standing aligned to the dorm's small kitchen, meant for late-night cravings, and he looked inside. A female figure was slumped against the wooden chair, sleeping with her head shoved between her crossed arms. 

Judging by the excessive amounts of boces left in the ashtray, and the lack of shame it took to snore while knocked out in the darn kitchen, the figure was Aza Macht.

With cautious and silent steps, Levi walked up to the table and slammed his hand against it with enough force to rattle the piece of furniture and awaken the girl. She jolted awake, eyes wide with worry and a hand instinctively going for the knife on her thigh strap.

_Good_ , Levi thought. _At least her brain is still functioning properly._

She exhaled deeply, her body slumping as soon as she spotted Levi hovering over her. Relaxation wasn't the usual response Levi would get when he made a surprise appearance, but he could care less about that.

"Do that one more time and I won't speak to you again," she said, trying to rub the exhaustion off her face.

Levi looked to the ceiling in silent prayer.  
"Is that a promise?"

Macht seemed to appreciate the joke, for she let out half a laugh, going to pull out her pack of cigarettes. Levi grabbed it before she could, holding it at a distance. Now, that, she didn't seem to appreciate much. 

"Captain-" she started with a warning tone. 

It surprised Levi how quickly she adapted to using _Captain_ instead of _Corporal_. He wondered how many more years had to pass until she would call him by name like every other normal person.

His eyes flickered to the lighter still laying on the table, though Levi knew better than to grab it. Macht had some kind of emotional attachment to that rusty-gold thing. He wasn't aware of the specifics, but he knew that messing with that lighter was a signed death penalty, the same way it would be for anyone who touched his cravat. 

"Keep smoking that shit and your lungs won't let you climb the fucking stairs in a couple of years, let alone use your gear." 

Another laugh escaped her. This one sounded even more genuine, if somewhat self-deprecating. 

"Couple of years? I'm afraid you're putting too much trust on my lungs, sir," she said, an open hand waiting for Levi to return the paper box. 

Instead, Levi opened the box, took out the remaining two cigarettes, and rendered them useless by squashing them between his fingers. He threw the remainder of the scruffy rolled papers in the ashtray and returned the empty box. Aza did nothing to stop the process and plainly looked at him with an annoyed glare. 

With a fleeting look at the tray, Levi could count at least ten boces, leaving out the two he'd just thrown in. Even for Macht, that was crossing the line. This is what family troubles and a shitty homecoming must look like. Levi wasn't at all jealous.

"I take it your leave didn't go too well," he said, to which she averted her eyes with a tsk.

Aza was easy to read, most of the time. She made it so, of course, not caring enough to build a facade for herself. Levi found that incredibly convenient. He appreciated straight-forwardness. If something could be conveyed with little words, or merely a look, then it should. That wasn't to say Macht lacked the wits. Hell knows this girl bantered her way out of the fucking womb. 

It was somewhat enjoyable, but only when Levi remained on the winning side.

"Families are complicated." she finally answered.

Levi wouldn't know. He'd easier pick up a conversation about cultivating potatoes than one about family relations. He wanted to stray as far away from the subject as possible, and it probably showed on his face. 

"I bet that look means your staff meeting didn't go too well either," she said, expertly navigating the subject elsewhere. Thankfully.

"Expedition's been pushed forward. Three weeks from now. And also," 

His hand fished the noble's invitation out of his pocket and tossed it to Aza, with little care. She recognized the black wax seal immediately, as a rich kid should, and her eyes darkened in response. It wasn't exactly surprise that painted her face. More like a sick sense of humor. 

"The Arenberg family, huh? Bet they learned how to spell your name just this morning, looking at the newspapers," she mocked and gave the envelope back to him.

Levi's eyes followed her figure as she got up to clean up the ashtray.   
"Erwin thinks we should go."

"Of course we should," she replied, back turned while she washed the tray over the sink. Levi resisted the urge to get up and check for any ash trails left on the sink's walls. He'd do it after she left the room. "It will be tedious as hell but a great showcase for the Regiment, nonetheless. Funders will get off to seeing us use the proper forks or some shit."

For some reason, Levi had hoped she wouldn't agree with Erwin. Maybe that way he wouldn't have to lead the revolution against the rich pigs alone. Technically, she was on Levi's side, and probably wanted nothing to do with that hideous dinner, but at least she had the brains to admit their presence would be beneficial. Levi also knew that. He just wished he wouldn't have to act upon it. 

"Guess I'll have to buy myself a fucking suit then," he sighed, leaning further back on the uncomfortable chair. "let's just hope they won't ask me too many annoying ass questions, otherwise I will hurl whoever approaches me out the window."

Aza snickered at that, despite Levi not joking in the slightest.   
"Don't worry, you can prepare speech cards since by then I'll have you writing like an author."

Levi's eyes shot upward from the specific wooden splinter he had been staring at and found Aza fumbling with something in her trousers. She produced a thin stack of papers folded in thirds and showcased them with a proud smile. Beneath the annoying wet print her damp fingers left on the sheet, Levi could make out the guidelines for cursive writing. The papers were nothing like the cheap newspaper copies Levi had printed for himself in the HQ's jacked-up printer. These were legit, probably printed out of some school book. The quality of the paper looked expensive too, like the kind of smooth pages you see in a fancy restaurant's log. 

"You didn't think I forgot, did you?" she mused, a crooked grin forming on her lips.

He hoped she would. He certainly didn't expect her to go through with her terrible plan of teaching him, anyway. Or go out of her way to actually replace the sheet he destroyed himself, in a fit of self-consciousness. In lack of any proper words, he said nothing, not trusting his voice to conceal the surprise he'd felt.

"Lessons start tomorrow, Captain."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still here? Awesome. You have officially won a piece of my sincere affection. Thank you for reading :)


	3. The Smell of Tobacco

An impatient knock called Levi to his door, and he started thinking about a sharp enough remark as he went to answer it. Macht was late, which was a first. Hopefully, the shit he would throw at her for her tardiness would render it a one-time thing. Among other things, Levi despised impanctuality. 

The scolding thought died in his mouth when he swung the door of his room open and were quickly replaced by a question;  
"What the fuck happened to you?"

Aza smiled through the bits of mud covering her face. The same kind of mud that was smeared all over her shirt, pants, and boots. If Levi didn't know any better, he'd guess she was trying to camouflage herself to match a fucking swamp. A twig stuck out from her disheveled braid, and she either didn't notice or didn't care. 

"Sorry I'm late, Captain. I came as fast as I could."

"Ah, did your fighting match with the stable pigs keep you busy?" Levi said, putting up his best imitation of an interested tone of voice, though his straight face might have ruined the performance. 

Aza smiled further.   
"No, that's scheduled for next week. Training with Bozado is the cause of my appearance, I'm afraid."

As in, Oluo Bozado, Macht's fellow graduate and long time nemesis. Levi doesn't own enough fingers to count the times the two officers have jumped on each other's throats. It's quite incredible how much competitive spirit can fit into Aza's small frame. What's not incredible, is having to be the one to tear her off of Bozado, every fucking time one of them refuses to admit defeat in their idiotic bets. 

"What was it this time- no, let me guess; he refused to pay you up in that rolled up crap you call cigarettes."

This time she did laugh. A knowing snicker of remembrance.   
"He was bragging in front of the cadet's, and giving them advice on how to navigate their gear in low terrain, and well- I had to laugh."

3DM gear is not meant for ground-close usage. The lower you soar, the more lethal your mistakes get. The height from which your body is dangling should always surpass the length of your wires. If it doesn't, then you're in for a painful dive straight to the fucking ground. The chances someone survives that fall, with nothing more than scraped knees, and mud for dinner, are slimmer than a grass blade. The fucking stars might as well be aligned. 

That being said, low navigation can be done, but it requires impeccable 3DMG skills. And that just happens to be Macht's area of expertise. 

Everyone could wear the gear. Fewer people could use it, and even less could do it properly. What Aza did, the way she operated the wires as though they were an extension of her very body...now that, was a fucking talent. She was considered to be one of, if not the, best gear users in her class and that's how she had attained the nickname "spider". Nowadays, the nickname had died down, along with its inventors...

Needless to say, Levi would never speak those words to Macht's face. He didn't need her head to get any bigger. 

"I'm guessing it didn't end on you laughing at Bozado's face," he gave her space to continue. 

Aza scoffed a laugh.   
"Ha, as if he would take the criticism. We ended up racing on the training grounds and see who's more capable of giving the cadets shitty advice..." she made a pause, finally having noticed the twig in her hair, and gently pulled it out of the mess. "you could say I got a bit too cocky and uh... I had a brush with the ground."

And that's exactly what Levi meant by her head getting big. Cockiness was one of Aza's many weaknesses, albeit one of the most dangerous ones. One that Levi has been trying to vanquish, and has been failing miserably. The amount of pride and confidence inside her stubborn head was astronomical.

A part of him, the one that took its promotion to Captain way too fucking seriously, wanted to shout at Macht and Bozado for starting up matches that could get them both bedridden, if not buried. Another part wanted to see the replay of Aza's fall and spit corrections at her face. He was most confident that she had drawn her legs too close to her chest again, which caused her fall to be more speedy, something that Levi has told her not to do, about a hundred times-

He settled for a third option that wouldn't rattle his nerves as much.  
"How many meters?" 

She nodded her chin upwards, self-assured.   
"Something above two. New personal record."

Passable. Should she subtract another two, she'll hit Levi's personal record. He kept that remark to himself, knowing that if he challenged her in the slightest, Macht would spend the rest of the night at the training grounds, munching dirt. 

Another weakness; Macht never knows when to stop. That one, Levi didn't hate too much.

"Tch, looks like you hit zero from where I'm standing."

The mud on Aza's face complemented her deep scowl.  
"Hilarious, Ackerman. Will you let me in now, or would you like us to have our lessons in the hallway?" she scoffed and tried to take a step forward but Levi's hand stopped her.

"No way in hell I'm letting you in my room while you're looking like you were dragged across the forest, tied on a horse's ass," Levi muttered, his eyes assessing the damage on her.

She rolled her eyes to let him know she found his cleaning habits to be a load of crap. He didn't give a dime.  
"Fine, I'm going to take a shower, and I'll be back."

"No, wait," he grabbed her forearm once the realization hit him. Her body went rigid.  
"I had Four-Eyes polish the floors on the women's dorms yesterday. It took them the whole morning to do it fucking correctly and you'll make a shit out of it if you stroll in like that."

"Then what would you have me do, Captain Mop?"

He took a second to glare at her for the nickname and then put his mind at work. Women's hallway is out of the question. Men's showers obviously won't do, and she had no extra clothes. Fuck, there were no alternatives. He honestly should have known better than to agree on having "lessons" in his private quarters. Yet the prospect of having scouts walk into his open office and witnessing him holding a quill like a toddler was all the more embarrassing.

With a scoff and a frown, Levi turned back inside his room and opened up the drawers that held his few belongings. He drew out a clean towel, a white-collar shirt, and a pair of cotton pants, and threw them inside his bathroom. 

"Take off your boots and leave them in the hallway, I'll clean them up while you take a shower."

She must have had some unknown words in that sentence, 'cause Aza looked upon Levi with a dumbfounded expression, as though he'd just grown horns. Eyes, the color of bitter coffee, wide in confusion, lips parted mid-question. 

He merely stared back, restraining the need to scoff.   
"Hurry up. If you take longer than ten minutes I'm having you wash with the garden hose." 

As if her brain had restarted, she kicked off her shoes in haste, before Levi could change his mind. She scurried into the bathroom in tiny steps, making sure to lock the door on her way in. Levi didn't miss the red spots staining the back of her shirt but chose to say nothing of it. While she was scrubbing off all the dirt, he did the same to her shoes, having the sound of running water and his whispered cursing as company.

He had time to sit back on his shakey desk, which wasn't really meant for long sitting hours, and continue his work. He took a flitting glance at the bloody scout badge that laid in the corner. Private Stains, it read in tiny stitched-up letters. Levi had set it out to remind himself of taking it to Stains funeral tomorrow. He wished to keep the badge for himself and offer something more meaningful to the boy's parents but the scouts had cleaned out Emmanuel's quarters before Levi could stop by.

What a waste...and for what? Some shitty evidence for Four-Eyes to play with, and a bullshit invitation to a Pig's dinner party. Levi's only hope of believing Stains didn't die for nothing, relied on Hange discovering something useful. The dinner would do nothing but piss on Levi's mediocre mood, even if they did manage to get the Arenberg's support. Their dirty money meant nothing more than a pile of horseshit to Levi.

He sighed and picked up the file he was reading before Aza came in. The familiarity of most of the words made it easier for him to read, at what could be called a normal speed. Still, his eyes lagged upon the pronunciation of certain Scout's names that he voiced in his head. Irritating as fuck. 

Thankfully, the following one he knew pretty well.

_Azalea Elizabeth Macht_

Levi didn't remember picking up Aza's file from Erwin's cabinet, since the point of his research was getting to read-up on unknown officers and fresh cadets. Nevertheless, he couldn't put a leash on his curiosity fast enough. His eyes ran straight to statistics.

_Combat: 10/10_   
_Initiative: 6/10_   
_Wits: 7/10_   
_Teamwork: 9/10_

Average scores, except for combat which, albeit impressive, were expected. It'd be fucking embarrassing having Levi as an instructor through being a cadet and not having a ten in combat to wave around. Still, that wasn't what caught his eye.

_Titan kills, in team: 38_  
_solo: 4_

What in fuck's name is this shit? With a perfect score in combat, having merely four solo kills to account for was inexcusable. Especially with a teamwork number that nearly (nearly being the operative word) put Levi's to shame. What on earth was Macht thinking going down on record like this? It almost seemed like she was...avoiding solo kills.

The door of the bathroom swung open, revealing- a now clean- Aza, and on cue, Levi shut the file. He'd have an honest conversation with her about these shitty scores, later. A whole lot of steam exited the bathroom along with the girl on her tippy toes, making Levi's brows furrow. For fuck's sake, was she bathing in Hell's boiling pot? 

Before Levi had any chance to complain about turning his quarters into a sauna, Aza gracefully hopped on top of his desk, her hands fumbling with rebraiding her damp hair. Of course, her observant gaze didn't miss the badge sitting next to her.

Levi's eyes instinctively fell on Aza's borrowed outfit. The pants were a little too big on her waist, and a little too short on the legs. That difference only went to show further as she settled on his desk's surface. The shirt, on the other hand, seemed to fit her quite well, much to Levi's surprise. 

She hadn't even settled properly before she pulled her today's pack of cheap cigarettes out of her harness, which she wore loosely to support the pants. The damn addict wouldn't go anywhere without those cigs. She had sewn a leather pocket on her harness, especially for that stupid box to fit. Bringing a cigarette to her lips, she pulled out her lighter and gave it life.

It was strange, the way her body instantly relaxed upon taking a drag of tobacco. What was even stranger about Macht's hellish habit though, was that no matter how much she smoked, or how often, she never smelled of cigarettes. As far as Levi could tell, Aza Macht didn't have a particular smell. A product of a miracle, if Levi had to guess.

Her holding hand shot out the window to permit the smell from polluting Levi's room. Aza didn't know this, but he had a peculiar love-hate relationship with that smell. For the entirety of three years, he had known her, Aza made it her point to purchase the cheapest, most crappy cigarettes on the market. It would seem like a reasonable choice, seeing that she consumed about half a pack per day. She didn't do it for economic purposes, though. To her, cheap smoke was rather a stylistic choice. Some kind of shitty, personal brand. 

If he was being honest, Levi didn't completely mind the foul odor of her cheap smokes. Granted, it was fucking disgusting, and it gave you the urge to tear your nose off the first couple of times you smelled it. But he didn't mind it. There was something particularly nostalgic about that awful smell. Something that reminded Levi of his cursed childhood in the stinky, piss poor streets of the Underground. 

There were times he caught himself leaning closer whenever Aza smoked next to him.

"So," Her voice pulled him out of the sea of thoughts, concerning a certain rowdy brothel, and spat him back to reality.   
"What are you working on, sir?" she asked as her free hand hovered above the pile of Scout's files that littered the crappy table.

"Dull shit," Levi responded, mid-way to rearranging the desk, trying to make space.

Aza's dark eyebrows raised in intrigue, and a hint of mirth appeared on her eyes, encouraging Levi to share more of his attempted Captain duties. His mind itched at the sly invite, wanting to share his thoughts.

"I was thinking of forming my own squad. An elite troop that would handle emergency sightings close to the walls, while Erwin is rounding up the rest of the Scouts of work on the forest bases. Just..." his hand flipped a file as a gesture. "trying to clean up his fucking plate."

He hoped Aza couldn't pick up the uncertainty in his voice, nor the flicker of his eyes which attempted to peek at her face for any sign of approval. For fuck's sake, he'd do it anyway, that part was decided. Still, Levi discovered that he cared about what Macht had to say of his little endeavor. Perhaps more than a Captain normally should. 

"A Levi squad, then?"

He changed his mind. This was a bad idea.  
"A special Operations Squad," he groaned. "Don't ever call it that shit again."

Aza chuckled, causing ashes to rattle from the end of her cigarette, out the window.   
"I was only poking fun, Captain."

"It wasn't remotely funny." 

"Oh, please," she threw away what was left of the smoke, with little care, and turned to face him, chin propped on her shoulder. "You wouldn't know fun if she came and punched you in the face."

"How about I punch you in the face, brat?" 

Her taunting smile turned into a full-blown grin. Levi would admit, at least to himself, that he somewhat enjoyed their little quarrels. They did well at breaking the monotony of regular, annoying chit-chats.

" _Brat?_ God, you haven't called me that in what? Two years?" 

_Has he, really?_ He must be growing fucking soft, but more importantly, why the hell was she keeping score?

"Act like a shitty brat, get called a shitty brat," he gruffed and pulled out the calligraphy spreadsheets he had stashed in his desk's creaky drawer. He didn't want to risk scrunching them up with the previous mess that was going on his desk. "Now, are we going to do what I asked you here for, or would you like to join your cigarette, down the gardens?" 

"Of course, just one more thing before we start," she lifted a slender finger, at which Levi tsked. "Can I offer a suggestion for your squad?"

Now that, he didn't expect. In fact, he had thought she was completely indifferent towards his idea, otherwise, he might have asked for her help himself. Might have. Very reluctantly and impassively, without hinting that he wanted help in the first place. Levi shrugged his shoulders, giving her permission to proceed.

"Petra Ral."

Levi raked his mind through the names of officers he had read this past evening. Petra Ral, Petra Ral, Petra-

"The one who pissed herself at her first expedition? Are you dense?" Levi whipped his head with a little more exaggeration than he had planned.

"Yes and maybe," she smirked, earning a particular look from Levi. "Aside from what you've heard, Petra has excellent communicative skills, and the highest solo kill count out of our entire graduating class. She's the perfect mix of obedient and initiative."

Exactly what Levi looked for in his subordinates. Macht knew that, for she was the blueprint. Or at least, Levi had tried to make her one. She was one of Levi's first assigned cadets, during his instructor days, whom he molded into the spitting image of what he thought was a good soldier. Hell knows it took him two years to accomplish, and Macht could always use some rehabilitation, but it was as close as he could get. 

He eyed Aza prominently while she was performing her convincing ritual of wiggling eyebrows.   
"I'll think about it," he said, and turned his attention back at the spreadsheets, without missing the satisfactory smile that crossed Aza's face.

She spent the rest of the evening hovering over his shoulder like a watchful (and fucking annoying) hawk, verbally guiding him through the brush strokes. Levi had nearly stabbed Aza with his quill right after the fifteenth time she made him rewrite the capital "D". Always with "your curve is off", "too fat", "looks like it drunk five crates of beer". He could swear she was avenging all of the two years she'd gone through Levi's truculent training methods, in one evening. 

However, Levi didn't once complain out loud. If anything, he wanted Aza to be as fucking judgmental and sower as possible, when correcting him. This was the only way he'd ever been taught anything, and writing should be no different. Failure was a necessary factor to any learning experience, he knew that well enough, and had chugged down more failures than he had successes. 

"Why the fuck are they spelled the same way if they sound differently huh? Twenty-six damn letters and no one was smart enough to invent a new combination for tear and tear?" he grumbled at one point, and could practically feel the smirk that tugged at Macht's lips, even though his eyes were on the paper.

"One of the world's greatest mysteries, I should agree on that one, sir," she taunted.

He slowly raised his intimidating gaze.  
"Deride me one more time Macht and I'll-"

"Shit!" she exclaimed before Levi had time to finish his threat. He followed her worrying glance at the small clock sitting on the desk. She hopped down from the furniture and picked up her dirty clothes from where Levi had neatly folded them. "It's late, I should go make sure Hanji has eaten dinner."

Of course. With all the new research material the Scouts brought in a week ago, Hange has probably locked themselves up in the lab, stacked to the brim with titan blood vials, while laughing maniacally. Levi would guess they had hardly taken the time to pee, let alone eat, or have a proper fucking shower. The Corps should really invest in hiring someone to be Shitty Glaces' permanent care-taker before they accidentally starve themselves. 

"Make sure you open a fucking window when you get to the lab, I bet it stinks like Titan shit in there." A series of shivers coursed through his spine at the thought. Fucking disgusting.

Aza heaved out a small laugh while hopping on one foot in order to fit the other inside her boots.   
"And you make sure you straighten that 'D' by our next lesson or I'll have you write it fifty times."

"Don't test me, or I'll put you up for stable duty for the next century."

She rushed to the door, the dirty clothes held loosely in her arms. All the work Levi had done by folding them, gone to shits. He bit his tongue as to not comment on it, when he saw her look over her shoulder, hand on the door handle.

"Oh and Captain," she paused, contemplating whether she should speak her part. "try and loosen up about that Arenberg dinner thing."

Levi's lips parted, an attempt to speak some contrary words. No sound came out. He hated it when this happened. When his brain lagged, unable to find the correct words to describe the mess within. When his thinking patterns became predictable to others. When he became easy to read.

"Don't try to deny it," Aza interrupted, working through closing the door. "it's written all over your sleepless face." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love me a good banter dialogue, I could write this stuff until my fingers died on a keyboard.   
> And yes, I will.


	4. The Bite of a Bark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you hadn't figured out by now, Aza listens to sweater weather. Good for her, honestly.  
> Feel free to put on some background piano music while reading this. You'll understand why in a bit.

A thought came to Levi at the sight of the Arenberg mansion.

_'How would I go about breaking into this shit palace?'_

His Underground born and raised instincts kicked in as soon as he spotted the extravagant building with the stone engravings in the pillars, and the silver-laced window seals. Of course, his knee-jerk reaction was not to admire those seals but to start thinking about how he could bypass them, in the quietest way possible. He was sure the mansion was filled with unnecessary, expensive shit, like a wood-carved clock with golden details. 'Flash', as they would call it in the Underground, the only difference being that the Arenberg's possible golden belongings weren't fake.

Levi entertained the thought of robbing them for a while, just until his mind drifted to how Farlan would have cracked the riddle of this mansion in minutes. That boy's mind worked in ways incomprehensible to Levi.

A cough asking for his attention cut the leeway to more depressing memories.

Aza was standing next to him and Levi found the need to restrain the raise of his eyebrows. Under her military coat (identical to his, if only less decorated with pins), she wore a black velvet dress, whose edge brushed her calves. No doubt her mother's making. That woman's tailor shop dressed half the region of Trost. Beautiful, but it wasn't what kick-started his surprise. 

It was the way Aza had done her hair. In all of his years knowing her, Levi could swear he'd never seen Aza with her hair let loose. She would always braid it out of her face, save for her bangs, and a few obnoxious strands. Now, the upper part was clipped to the back of her head with some fancy pin, and the rest of her hair was left to roam freely, exposing their true length. They were longer than Levi had expected.

 _It was...nice?_ Sure. But it wasn't Aza. That hairstyle made her look like one of the prude daughters of merchers that had arrived earlier along with their families. Levi supposed that was Aza's intention. To appear as though she still belonged. Levi didn't like that thought.

"New suit?" she nodded towards Levi's outfit, after the minute of silence he'd spent staring at her. 

He instinctively looked down at the pitch-black tailcoat and white dress shirt that covered him beneath his olive-green military coat. He would admit, the outfit itself wasn't all that bad if he chose to ignore the painful process that getting the measurements had been. Erwin's tailor was too touchy for Levi's taste. 'too touchy' meaning his fingers grazed Levi's waist once, when fitting the tape around him, and he all but snapped the man's neck. 

"I told you I'd get a new suit for this shit," he replied, as his hands flew to his cravat, feeling the need to straighten it. 

Before Aza had the chance to say anything, a set of arms was thrown both over her and Levi.   
"Don't you two look dashing!" Hange exclaimed, ignoring the way Levi shoved their hand off his shoulder. Without having to use crouches anymore, Hange's hands were free to annoy Levi once again. 

"You seem overly excited for an underly impressive dinner," Aza said and in turn, Hange's eyes widened in that characteristic, manic way. 

"Are you kidding? I even combed my hair for this!"   
It was true, Hange's ponytail had never looked this slick and collected. What was with everyone messing up their hair today? And why did it fucking unsettle Levi?  
"I can't wait to start freaking everyone out when they start asking pretentious questions about our job! Do you think I should show them Titan limb diagrams before or after the appetizer?"

Hange's hands raked through their coat's pockets looking for said diagrams but Aza grabbed their wrist with a nervous laugh.   
"Maybe wait until they have had one, or two...or five glasses of champagne, yeah?"

"Brilliant!" Hange snapped their fingers when the idea struck. "Then they can puke it all over the floor! Ah, I'm going to have a fucking blast today."

With a couple of wide confident strides, Four-Eyes walked to the guarded entrance of the mansion, leaving behind a dumfounded Aza and a head-shaking Levi. It was an idle reminder that he too should be going inside soon. Certainly, he shouldn't be standing in the snow for another twenty minutes because his fingers were starting to turn into icicles. 

"Shall we? The sooner the torture begins the sooner it might end," Levi voiced his thoughts, with a tilt of his head towards the dreaded entrance. 

Aza let out a tiny laugh. It was the first indication of the night that she was still Officer Macht, "The Spider", and not Lady Azalea of fucking something. That laugh wouldn't fit on the Arenberg's table, and Levi appreciated that more than he should have.

"Before we do that,"   
She suddenly clasped both of Levi's hands in hers. The unexpected contact caught Levi way off guard. His whole body froze and it wasn't the snow's doing. Aza didn't give him time to process the act and instead peeled the gloves off his hands. Levi raised his slightly widened eyes to her face.

"Only the footmen wear gloves inside," she said, stuffing the garments in Levi's pockets. "Gentlemen's hands must be free of any garments, in case the need for a handshake presents itself."

 _Oh. Well if that's not the stupidest fucking thing Levi has heard._ He even hated the way Aza worded the stupidity. Should the need for a handshake present itself, he would ignore it, like a true gentleman. 

Levi fell into step with Aza, mounting the polished marble stairs with his hands behind his back, and his chin slightly tilted upward. He'd be damned if he let any wealthy skiv look down on him because of his mannerisms tonight. If standing like a fucking peacock with a stick up its feathery ass was what it took, then so be it. 

Past the enormous double doors of the front entrance, and a few feet inside the carpeted main hall, stood the Arenbergs themselves, greeting their esteemed guests with a servant at their right, who made sure they didn't forget any names. When the servant saw Levi and Aza approaching, he leaned into the Lord's ear and whispered inaudible words. Arenberg's eyebrows lifted ever so slightly upon noticing Levi, but he managed to conceal that gesture of surprise when the Captain had drawn close enough.

"Captain Ackerman, it's an honor to finally make your acquaintance," the middle-aged man greeted with a nod. 

"Is that so?" 

Levi's curt response twisted a few faces but he rebounded with an icy smile that broke the tension. Arenberg chuckled nervously at the attempted humor, not quite sure if it was a joke, to begin with. Besides, he couldn't look at Levi's eyes for more than three seconds to figure it out. 

"The honor is all his I'm sure," Macht came in, and even though Levi wasn't looking at her, he could feel her burning gaze on the side of his face. This made his smirk linger on his lips for a tad bit longer. 

"Azalea, my dear," Lady Arenberg cooed, her eyes raking up and down Aza's built. The friendly act on the woman's part made Levi want to puke on her gown. As did the thought that Macht used to hang around this sort of crowd, often enough for them to address her with her first name. 

Speaking of which, Arenberg's daughter was eyeing Macht down as though she was the most terrifying entity. On the other hand, Aza completely disregarded the girl's presence. Almost like she didn't even see the blonde runt standing behind her parents, gulping and fidgetting her nerves away.

"I haven't seen you in almost four years, look at how much you've grown!" the Lady pushed forward with the show.

Levi couldn't help himself.  
"So much so, that you can now refer to her as Warrant Officer Macht."

Another glare from Aza and a moment of speechlessness on Arenberg's part. Their daughter seemed to smirk, ever the slightest. Honest, Levi partly enjoyed seeing their faces twist in awkwardness and irritation without being able to express it with words. Made him wonder what would happen if he pushed a little more.

"We're ever so glad to have received an invitation," Aza said. Frankly, she seemed to be the only one at least trying to get that fat funding Erwin was itching for. 

"But, of course. A simple dinner is the least we can offer to counter your Regiment's honorable work," the Lord nodded sagely. That marks attempt number one at pretending to care about the Scouting Legion.

"We weren't sure if you would come. It is quite the long ride from Wall Rose."

Arenberg's wife stared intently at Aza as she said this, and Levi thought he could make out the barest hint of a falter in Macht's kind smile. A fragment of the anger the passive insult must have ignited in her. Not ten minutes in and the bastards had already found a way to rub the Macht family's descend into Aza's face. Smeared it real nice, like a fucking lemon tart on a fool's birthday.

"Mother," the little Arenberg hissed a warning. So far, she had been the most sufferable one out of the bunch. It was certainly strange how the first word she chose to voice was upon defending the little honor Aza was clinging onto. Levi tried to rake his mind through Erwin's nobility lecture, to find this midget's name...

Estella? No, that doesn't sound pompous enough. Es...Es...

_Esther. Lady Esther Arenberg._

"No, it's true, the ride to Mitras was quite exhausting," Aza finally responded, twice as coldly. Levi could see it took every bit of her self control not to snap at that moment. "But how could we turn down such a lovely occasion?" 

A moment of piercing glares and false smiles followed, through which Levi remained utmost impassive, silently challenging the old couple to at least look him in the fucking eye when insulting his soldier. Only the midget had the balls to do so, but for no more than a split second.

Much to Levi's surprise, Aza was the first one to break.  
"Well, we've kept you long enough. I'm sure there are plenty of other guests turning into snowmen as we speak." 

A series of chuckles echoed in the thick atmosphere, just as the Lady set out her right hand that sported a diamond ring bigger than Levi's eyeball. Must have been worth more than the Scouting Regiments yearly expenses. Aza performed the standard gesture and placed a kiss upon it, though Levi didn't miss the slight twist of her dark eyebrows. She hated this with a fucking passion. 

Levi got away only with shaking each of their hands, fortunately, then whipping his palm against the fabric of his dress pants. As if his mouth would go anywhere near that pig's hand, willingly. 

Shortly after the hideous greeting, a servant (or more properly, as Aza calls them, a footman), came and rid Levi of the weight of his military coat. Admittedly, he would have preferred to keep it on, if only so that the pigs knew to whom the fuck they were talking to. Levi had no hang-ups with rank. He couldn't give less of a shit whether he was a high general or a stable boy, so long as the bastards recognized the wings of freedom patched on his shoulder. He wanted them to know he could cut them in pieces if they looked him the wrong way. 

Much to his disappointment, Aza hadn't followed him into the ballroom, the way he thought she had. He craned his head to look back at the entrance but Aza was nowhere to be seen. She had disappeared, along with the Arenberg Midget. Levi chose not to go that rabbit hole to find answers, and instead strode into the large room, going straight for the waiter with the champagne glasses.

He tried to hang around Hange but Levi spotted them conversing with some Pigs, trying to explain even the basics of their field of work. Four-Eyes should have been warned that the noble minds weren't worth a fracture of theirs. Hell, they weren't even worthy of the glimmer and passion that danced in Shitty-Glaces' eyes when they talked about Titans and their experiments. They weren't worth shit.

Levi wished he had known this before coming into this shithole this early, but apparently, a rich pig's dinner is served at nine. Before that, take place the mind-numbing chatter with the nobles while standing on your fucking legs with a vigorous glass of booze dangling from your hands. And all that, with the sweet company of live music. 

The music was the only thing decent around this torturous ballroom. In the far corner, away from where Levi was sitting, laid a piano. Its surface was polished to the point where it bore the reflection of the crystal chandelier's hanging from the dome-ceiling. A skillful pianist gracefully played the pure white tiles. The music it emitted was quiet enough not to annoy the guests but also clear-cut, keeping the mumbling voices from being the only sound in the room. 

Levi's gaze danced on the back of the suit-dressed pianist for a while, watching how the man's head lulled from side to side to his own music. How eccentric. Though, to be honest, if Levi could play any instrument with this kind of mastery, he would never get tired of the sound either. He hadn't realized how intensely he was staring at the piano until he noticed Aza making an appearance back in the ballroom. 

She slithered amongst the guests, muttering a smiling apology ever so often for the inconvenience of having to move so she could pass. When she nearly stumbled on a girl, she managed to wrap a steady hand around the small of her back, keeping her on her feet. Classic Macht. The insignificant touchy, airy smile, and then gone. Got bored too easily, that one.

From the three years spent knowing her, Levi knew quite a bundle of things about Macht's behavior and peculiar habits. One of the first ones he had picked up, was the way she walked. Aza always had a leaning to her stride, as if she was constantly approaching things from an angle. Later on, Levi realized that was exactly what she was doing. He liked it. Thought it was clever.

Now, as he watched her slide her way across the marble floor, he noticed there was no leaning. Her back sat straighter than a ruler and her eyes flickered around the room, like the ones of an abandoned child. Her coat was off her shoulders, meaning she was devoid of pockets and consequently, devoid of cigarettes. She seemed to be looking for someone. More than that, she seemed disappointed that she couldn't find them. She seemed lost. 

That aura left her as soon as her eyes found Levi's. She hid it under the carefully placed mask of a timid smile and started walking walked towards him, with purpose.

"I do hope this is your first glass, sir," she commented when she reached him, taking a stand at his right side. 

"It's the third actually, but to my displeasure, it feels like the first." 

Aza hummed a laugh at his response and tried to follow his gaze to figure out what had him so mesmerized. Her eyes landed on the pianist and she seemed to understand Levi's fascination. They stood there for a few moments, neither of them speaking. The silence was comfortable. Even Levi, who was a "the art of shutting the fuck up" enthusiast, thought that the quiet between him and Aza at that moment was oddly relaxing. There was no need for him or her to say anything to feel the void, simply because there was no void. They were content existing alongside each other. 

Maybe it was the effect of that third glass kicking in but Levi decided to break the silence.  
"I always wanted to learn the piano," he said, keeping his gaze fixated on the pianist. Still, he saw Aza turn her head to him from his peripheral vision.

"How come? I mean, it is a beautiful skill but it doesn't sound like you at all."

It didn't, she was right about that part. Not the "him" that Macht knew, anyway. This particular wish stemmed from a younger Levi's thoughts, during a time when the only thing that could drown the sounds of manly growls and female screaming, was the chirpy melodies of the brothel's piano. The pianist never knew he was Levi's only source of comfort when he would shut himself in the closet, waiting for his mother's clients to disappear. Still, he was always kind to Levi. He would share his peanuts with him whenever the boy was allowed to venture at the top floors with the entertainers, and sometimes even a sip of his lonely beer. He had taught him to play a few notes too, though Levi doubted if he still remembered how to butcher Frere Zach.

"There was a crappy old piano," _Inside the whore-house I grew up in._ "in a bar, close to where I used to live. The pianist..." _Was a regular drunk with a repertoire consisting of only five songs_. "was a nice little man."

His head tilted to the right where he was met with the sight of Aza's smile. Admittedly, that girl smiled a lot, yet there was a certain softness about this specific smile that Levi didn't witness often. She must have liked his two-sentence sappy story. 

"We had a piano in my old place too but I never knew why. No one knew how to play, so it just sat there for decoration. A nice piece of decoration, frankly."  
  
Levi almost laughed at that. Almost.

"Sounds like something a rich kid would do."

"Former rich kid." she corrected, this time not with her usual smirk but rather with a frown.

Levi watched Aza hang her head as if she was being reprimanded and his blood boiled. If it wasn't for Arenberg's shitty attitude earlier, her smirk would have been intact.   
"Don't let these bastards' sly comments ruin your mood, Macht. That's how you let them win."

"I dare say that not having to slice Titans to earn a decent living is already a win," she scoffed an empty laugh. "Just look at this fucking place. Material wise, what more could a person want?"

Levi tried to conceal his smirk as he dug into his trouser's pocket. He would have stayed silent but she had just unknowingly thrown Levi the perfect opportunity...

"How about this?" 

Aza's pupils blew out at the sight of Lady Arenberg's diamond rock.

* * *

He was holding the ring between his index and middle finger, as though it was nothing but a simple coin. Aza may have imagined it, but she thought she had spotted the tiniest of smiles dancing along the right corner of his lips. Yes, she had definitely imagined it. Her mind wasn't functioning properly, anyway.

"You...you _stole it_?" she hissed, grabbing his forearm to lower the glistening rock away from the public's viewpoint. "From her hand? When? How?" 

"Legally, I'm not allowed to say. But hypothetically, if I had in fact stolen it, it would be extremely fucking easy." 

The Captain extended his hand to Aza, urging her to take the ring. He must have drunk more than three glasses. Either that, or he had just lost his mind.   
"What are you giving it to me for?" she exclaimed, her widened eyes bouncing around the room for fear that someone had noticed their suspicious exchange.

"Take it, it's not like I will wear it or anything."

With a grumble, Aza swiftly took the ring out of Levi's hand and stuffed it in the front of her dress before he could continue flashing it carelessly. She would leave it on top of some furniture on her way out, in hopes that one of Arenberg's servants would return it to her.

What on earth was he thinking? Scratch that. What on earth was she thinking, finding these shenanigans slightly amusing? Would the Captain have stolen the ring, even if Lady Arenberg hadn't degraded Aza?

Her jaw locked at remembering the passive insult. What made it all the more unbearing was Esther holding her mother back as if Aza needed social rescue. How dare she think she still had a right to stand up for Aza? How dare she pull her to the side after away from prying eyes, as if she was still entitled to Aza's time.

_"Azalea, wait!" she'd called, and Aza involuntarily halted her steps._

_"What? What could you possibly want?" she bit._

_Esther's features lost their previous confidence._   
_"I...I wanted to talk to you. I haven't seen you in three years."_

_"And who's fault is that I wonder?"_

_Finally, Aza had managed to get under Esther's skin, the way only she could. Anyone could draw that conclusion with so much as a glance to her tightened fists and quivering jaw._   
_"I'm not the one who threw my life away and went to join the army."_

_Aza scoffed out a laugh. A genuine laugh. She thought it funny how Esther hadn't changed in the least. Maybe her skin was a bit more ashen than Aza remembered it to be, and maybe her golden hair had lost its unique shine. Her cheeks were hollower and her eyes void of any brightness. That all had changed, but her fucking strong-headed, noble child behavior hadn't. On the contrary, Aza had changed. A lot._

_"Three years later and you decide to pick up where we left off, huh?"_

_Esther's features softened in regret. Predictably so. She was never one to bark a lot. Only knew how to bite, ever so painfully. It was a noble's thing. Growing up with them, Aza had been made acquainted with the unique talent of a noble to diminish a person without speaking a single offensive word._

_"Aza..." she attempted to grasp Aza's hand._

_Huh. Her touch didn't seem to burn her anymore._

_"Don't!" Aza snatched her palm away in the most abrupt way she could. Hurt painted itself across Esther's face. Good. "Since you're so eager for a trip down memory lane, let me finish this off exactly as I did three years ago..." She put on her coldest look, one reserved for the kind of pain only Esther could cause her. "Get out of my sight._ "

Aza found herself aligning with the Captain's view of the rich, more and more every passing second in the Arenberg mansion. Self-important bastards, all of them.

"Prudeness isn't a good look on you, Officer," he said, and the cockiness in his voice pulled Aza out of her trance.

Her harsh glare fell onto Levi's side profile. He just stood there, exceptionally calm as always. The infamous glass of champagne slightly swayed from side to side where his slender fingers held it by the brim. 

"I bet prison clothing won't be a good look on you either, sir."

His smirk deepened, and instead of disappearing quickly as it always does, it stayed in place. This was a side of the Captain Aza had never witnessed before, and still could not give it a name. He could be called careless, for attempting to humiliate the Heiress in her own home, or maybe he was just in a surprisingly good mood, that helped him tolerate Aza's taunts. Maybe he was just tipsy. If he was worried that his little thieving stunt would change the way Aza viewed him, there were no signs of it on his serene face. Maybe he already knew it wouldn't. 

Aza's gaze couldn't help but soften the more she regarded him. She noticed his undercut was freshly shaved, and his bangs' edges were cut to perfection. He had really put effort into looking presentable for this occasion and had even gone out of his way to tailor a suit for himself. He was shades of grey; pale skin, dark hair, dressed in black and white. And then his eyes. Grey on grey, seemingly transparent.

He knew she was staring at him. He must have felt it. Yet, instead of telling her off, or throwing some insulting comment like he usually would, he remained still.

The Captain's favored pianist had changed the tune at some point when Aza failed to notice. A slow melody bounced across every corner of the room now, inviting the braver of guests to pair-up and slow dance to it. A surge of confidence struck through Aza's body and caused her to take a step forward. She gave out her hand and looked at Levi over her shoulder.

"May I have this dance, Captain?"

For a split second, Levi's eyes softened and his lips parted. It was brief. Blink and you'll miss it. All that was left after that second, was his characteristically plain expression.

"Absolutely fucking _not_."

Charming, that one. Aza had guessed he wouldn't go down without a fight. She didn't mind, though. That was the fun of it, and she was in desperate need of fun...and a smoke, but that was beside the point. 

"Three minutes is all I'm asking," she pressed but he shook his head 'no'.  
"What's the worst that can happen?"

He cursed under his breath, most likely something about how insufferable Aza was being.  
"I don't know how to dance, Rich Kid, and I'm not planning on learning any time soon."

Mischief crossed Aza's smile as she snatched her Captain's wrist, forcefully leading him into the center of the ballroom. There was an attempt on his part, to fight against her grip, but it was abandoned as to not draw too much unwanted attention. A string of curses, unknown to Aza, filled the small space between them. Something along the lines of "you're going to pay for this".

"Dancing, Captain Ackerman sir, is a lot like swordplay. Just follow my lead and you'll see," she said, then brought them both into a stop, the two facing each other.

"I would be more at ease if you knew jack shit about swordplay, Macht."

Hurtful, Aza would admit. Much more when thinking about how it was the Captain that taught her how to hold a sword.

She only smiled in response to the comment and lifted an open palm in waiting. Levi matched her action, placing his hand merely a breath away from hers, and looked at her with a childish frown, awaiting instructions. Aza took the first sideways step, and the Captain followed with the slightest delay. It took him a couple of mismatched steps before he fell into sync with Aza, finally realizing the resemblance between ballroom dancing and defensive footwork in swordplay.   
As they circled each other, Aza couldn't help but snicker at how Levi was constantly looking at his feet to make sure they step into the perfect angle.

"Careful," she teased. "Tense-up some more and we might have an accident."

She had a feeling that had they not been at the Arenberg mansion, in the center of attention, the Captain would have slapped her with a week of stable duty, for that comment alone. For now, he simply glared at her, while trying to relax his locked jaw.

"This place unsettles me," he confessed, voice barely audible. "The atmosphere is so eerie it gives me the fucking chills."

"I didn't think anything was capable of giving Captain Ackerman the chills. Besides a dusty shelf of course."

The last part was partially true. Aza had come to learn that a dusty shelf didn't give the Captain chills, but the urge to smack whoever didn't clean it properly. Still, her lighthearted teasing didn't seem to dissolve his tension. His steely eyes kept darting around as if looking for threats and his nose scrunched up every now and then when the smell of female perfume emitting from the nearby dancers became too strong. Amid the momentum of a twirl, Levi's coat blew behind him, revealing a tiny glinting object, peaking from the inner pocket.

A stiletto, she figured. The 'Your knife is your best friend' rule applies to everything it seems.

"We're in Wall Sina," Aza tried to offer some kind of comfort before making an unexpected twirl. "Nothing can touch us here except the sly remarks of the rich pigs."

His eyes snapped back at her, letting go of their scouting. She was hoping the use of his own words would lift the mood. Or at least that scowl off his face. Disappointingly enough, it did neither. 

"Tch," Levi scoffed, true to his ways. "It's just Walls Macht. Nothing but bricks and cement. One day they might break and then all of humanity will be stomped to dust. What keeps that from happening is not the fucking walls. It's the soldiers. Scouts, who sacrifice their lives to make sure nobody else has to. People like you and me."

Aza's movements had involuntarily become sloppy, unfocused. Her lips parted somewhere along the Captain's little speech. He didn't talk much, but when he did, it promised to leave you speechless, either because he'd spit an unbelievably crude comment, or because he had just said something prettily meaningful. This rested on the latter category.

You and me. It sounded nice coming from him. A handsome thought that caused Aza to smile in honesty. 

The sound of a delicate bell echoed in the ballroom. The guests halted their movements all at once and turned to the entrance. 

"Well then," Aza sighed, grasping Levi's attention. "You and me should head to the dining room, Captain."

Levi fell right into step with her, though Aza didn't miss the way his pose stiffened upon remembering where they were.   
"Speaking of you's and me's..." he started, and Aza could swear her heart forgot how to function. "What would you say to joining my squad, Macht."

 _Oh. Of course._ Yes, what did she think he would say?

"Frankly, I thought you'd never ask."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, to be young and ridiculously oblivious like these two...  
> Buckle up, next chapter I'm serving pain.


	5. The Leap of Faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the power given to me by the writers' community, I have decided to make everyone (myself included) tear up a little bit today. These next two chapters are what gave me the idea for this fic in the first place, all the way back in July. That being said, I'm a little emotional about sharing them. The good kind of emotional.  
> enjoy :)

A familiar sense of blinding adrenaline coursed through Aza's body as she watched the Wall's gate lift. The daunting sound of the chain-based mechanism, grinding to complete the task, along with the subtle click of hooves and neighs of the horses, traveled among the gathered troops. 

Another expedition. Another chess game with death. Hopefully this time they'll win without losing too many pawns. 

She took a fleeting look at her surroundings. Unfortunate parents had come to bid their children farewell, keeping in mind that this might very well be the last time they held them in their arms. Among them, Aza spotted a redhead, patting the shoulders of her father with a reassuring grin that spoke of a promise, before turning her head to meet Aza's wandering gaze. Petra smiled, and Aza returned the favor with a crooked smirk.

It was a nice reminder that the Captain sometimes actually listens to her. 

In fact, he had done an excellent job of picking out a squad for this expedition. Petra, as mentioned has an undeniable nag for killing Titans and more than satisfactory communication skills. Physically, Gunther was the strongest of the bunch, but Aza had a feeling it was the man's unbreakable focus and determination that poked the Captain's interest. Then, there was Eld, the most experienced, though as soft-spoken as they come. If Aza had to guess, Eld would be chosen to be the Captain's second in command if things went to shit. 

Ah, and how could she forget Oluo Bozado. A pain on the neck, but a damn good gear operator, if Aza had ever seen one. He could rival Aza's skills, maybe even surpass them, and when petty bickers were put aside, the two made an unmatched team. She would rather get eaten alive than admit that to his face though.

Eventually, Aza's fingers got tired of gripping the reins of her horse and shot to her harness, fishing her pack of cigarettes and lighter. Just one, she promised herself once again, when the yellow flame of the lighter hit the edge of the rolled-up tobacco. She welcomed the burning sensation with a deep breath, already feeling her limbs relax, and the weeping voices fade. 

"At your natural habitat, I see."

Aza plucked the cigarette out of her mouth, hastily but to no avail. The Captain's judgmental hues of grey were already on her face. She hadn't talked to him since the formal dinner, two nights ago. In all honesty, she wasn't sure if she was avoiding him, or if she was being avoided. Or maybe, just maybe, it was merely coincidental that they didn't run into each other...in none of their usual hanging places...at all.

"Mornin' Captain," she replied cheerily and threw away the cigarette in hopes to save herself a scolding. 

He didn't return the greeting, for he was too busy staring at something. When Captain Levi stared at anything in this manner (eyebrows furrowed, top corner of his lip slightly twitching), he had most probably found an issue with it. Whether it be its state of cleaning or tidiness, something was not meeting the Captain's impossible standards, and that presented a problem. Right now, the item of his irritation seemed to be laying near Aza's leg.

"For fuck's sake, Macht," he scoffed, and before Aza could register the cursing, he had hopped down from his horse and walked over to Aza's, standing face to face with her thigh. 

His slender fingers slipped through her thigh straps and tugged, rather abruptly, to showcase how loosely they were tied.  
"Do I have to re-educate you on properly fitting your gear, the way I do with the cadets?" he questioned and gripped the strap's buckle, readjusting it to the point of cutting Aza's blood circulation off.

She didn't answer him for two reasons; One, because she received the cue that it was a rhetorical question, to which any answer other than 'no sir', would have been ill-fitted. And two, because when Levi's hand grazed over the fabric of Aza's trousers for a fragment of a second, she came to a terrifying realization.

His touch, even as brief and insignificant, _burned._

Aza couldn't bring herself to remember a moment when the Captain had touched her willingly, outside of training combat. Quite possibly because it didn't exist. If she felt confused about the dinner ordeal before, now she was stunned.

She gulped and inwardly screamed at herself to take the harness away from him and tighten it herself. Yet, she found it difficult to move. Extremely difficult. By the time she possessed the mental strength to even turn her head the other way, it was done and over with, and Ackerman had climbed back to his own saddle. 

"Where the fuck is your head at?" 

Where indeed. A flashy ballroom, perhaps, with the graceful view of a raven-haired individual with a matching raven-colored tailcoat? Perhaps. But that wasn't the correct answer, nor one Aza would want to give. The Captain's questions always had a single correct answer. Usually, she was adept at finding it, yet now it seemed impossible to do so without lying to the Captain's face, and that was a signed sentence for eternal cleaning duties. 

Besides, he seemed to be even more on edge than usual, and that wasn't an experiment-friendly time.

"I..."

"If the answer is not 'at the task ahead', you best not say anything," he muttered and averted his gaze. 

The whining of the chains had ended, and the gates were now fully open. The crowd of commoners that had gathered around the rallying troops were cocking their heads, trying to sneak a peek at what laid beyond the wall's protection. Some would have thought it pointless. It's not as if the grass is greener a few meters to the other side, right?

_Wrong._

Once a Scout first crosses the dusty border of the stone gates, and gallops into the open field, they'll instantly realize that yes, the grass is indeed a bit greener outside the walls. The air is a bit fresher, more cleansing, the sky appears to be clearer, the clouds seem softer, puffier, and the sun feels like it's burning a bit brighter. Aza knew that was probably an illusion. A part of a deceitful trick a Scout's mind plays on them. Maybe it's even a coping mechanism to tackle the scenarios of a painful death, or maybe it's a slight taste of false freedom that conquers the senses.

Aza knew and didn't much care. That illusion, the coping mechanism, that delusive freedom, was her favorite thing about being a Scout. And today, it seemed like nature had come bearing gifts. The sky sported an impossible baby blue, void of any dark clouds, while rays of sun-kissed upon the soldier's heads, gentle and warming, not hot or unforgiving. They rode through the wheat infested meadow, following the charted path of stomped grass that lead to the supply base. Aza had ridden through that trail so many times, yet she spared a part of her unyielding focus to admire it again. She took in the golden light that leaked through the canopy of tree leaves and danced on the ground. The evident smell of wildflowers that only grew this particular time of the year. A riot of color, that so many others couldn't help but admire.

Such a beautiful day, for such ugly plans.

Aza might have imagined it, though she could swear she saw the Captain breathe in the fragrance of the flowers with a sigh of content. He did the same during each first sip of his afternoon tea as if the bitterness of the beverage brought him pure joy. In those moments, he was at his most peaceful.

For some unknown reason, Aza found those moments fascinating. It was her favorite version of the Captain, and one he didn't showcase too often when in her company. Maybe it was the slow rise and falling of his chest, or the smell of tea only he could achieve at making, but she thought it worthy of admiration.

Her least favorite version was the one that appears when something disrupts those peaceful moments of his. When his face twists into an expression Aza could never decipher, and his eyes catch a glimmer that seems to hide the world's worst horrors behind it.

It was the very expression he adopted when a deep, famished growl shook the ground of the forest, causing the canopy's leaves to rain upon their heads. 

"Halt!" he ordered at the members of his squad, and they all simultaneously pulled at their horse's reigns, bringing them to a stop. Their hands hovered over the hilts of their blades, ready to grab them at any given moment, as they listened attentively to the murmurs of the forest. 

It was silent for a few seconds, apart from the creaking of some branches, and the rushing of a chilly breeze through the wall of leaves above. Then, it echoed again. A familiar, monstrous moan, followed by a glimpse of skin that flashed between the thick trunks of trees. 

A Titan. Crawling down the same path, on all fours with breakneck speed. 

Blades were drawn, without the Captain having to give an order.

"On our left sir!" Eld called with a pointing hand, "Looks like an eight-meter class!" 

Despite Eld's attention-grabbing yell and the squad's evident placement, the Titan paid no mind to them and continued to stumble its way down the laid path. It was unheard of, for a Titan to completely ignore an easy catch and instead move with purpose. Titans had no purpose, no drive, other than causing suffering. 

Levi whipped out a red-colored can and shot the first warning flare. He the reigns of his steed without a warning and started riding the Titan's way, with the squad following close behind. 

"It's going for the base!" Gunther pointed out in a yell, eyes narrowing in confusion. 

"The other squads must have made an early arrival, and so the base could be emitting a stronger smell!" Petra added, not quite as confident as she probably wished to sound.

It was a plausible explanation, though not entirely solid. A Titan would rather go for the easy prey, rather than move to the one that smells tastier...let alone run, like this one was doing. Aza pushed that thought into the back of her head and urged her horse to ride faster, though it was no use. Their current speed wasn't enough to match the Titan's enormous strides. 

A streak of green smoke painted across the sky, a few miles away from the position of their squad. It came from Squad Leader Mike's entourage, at rear center. This ruled out Petra's theory of soldiers swarming the base. There was something else that dragged the Titan by an invisible leash, and Aza wasn't sure she'd like to find out what.

With a steady voice that broke through the whirling wind, the Captain turned to them.  
"Whatever the fuck is drawing it to the base, we should make sure it never gets to see it. Everyone else, keep the formation intact. Left and right guard..." 

Aza and Oluo stood a little straighter at the mention of their posts.

The world seemed to slow down, enough for Aza to catch the slight bounce of Levi's hair, and the slow flapping of his cape. This was them at their best. No fancy tailcoats, no glimmering lighting, nor confusing gestures. Just them, focused on escaping the jaws of death one more time. Aza pulled all her focus onto whatever was about to come out of the Captain's lips. 

"Go fish."

An involuntary smirk crossed Aza's face when she locked side-glances with Oluo. In an instant, she slipped her feet out of the riding pedals and pulled the triggers of her gear, helping her body jump off her horse and launch onto a tree, and then another. She knew what she had to do, and so did Oluo, judging by the sheer rush of adrenaline that seemed to fuel his swinging movements. 

"Trying to outmaneuver me again?" Aza taunted mid-air, eyes zeroing on the Titan's moving figure. They were closing in, but its run was still way faster than their swinging speed. The rest of the squad was nothing but retreating figures on the horizon at this point, yet there was still a good distance to cover between them and their prey. 

Oluo let out an exaggerated scoff before purposefully lining his wires above Aza's and swiping past her dangling figure. "I don't have to try, Spider."

That cursed nickname. He and Hanji were the only one's still using it. Aza would have laughed and returned the favor, but they had bigger problems.

She logged her gear onto a high tree branch and abandoned her swinging for a moment, in favor of running along the branch to gain a steadier view of the Titan.  
"How are we going to approach this?" she asked, hoping for a cooperative answer.

"I can get a good angle to slit the nape, but I need the bitch to slow down for a moment!"

An idea struck Aza, just as the thick branch came to an end and she leaped over the edge. If slowing it down is what it took, then she needed to be faster.   
"I can work with that."

Her instincts kicked in like a splash of cold water when her hands found the gear triggers again. She let the sound of coursing wires and blowing steam lure her into a state of absolute concentration until her body found its way through the obstacles in its own accord. Like second nature. The sky became her ground and then flipped again. Any protest her muscles should have made at the maneuvers she was trying to pull was shut out of her thoughts. There was one voice echoing in her mind.

_'Never let your wires cross.'_

She followed the instructions of the bodiless voice, trying to navigate lower and lower. She pegged her gear and swung. Four meters above the mud-covered ground, maybe less. But she still wasn't close enough and the Titan was only going faster.

_'Dammit Macht, draw your knees closer to your chest.'_

A huff escaped her as she braced on her wires, urging her body to relapse. She needed to get higher, faster. Her hands obeyed at that thought and sought a way through the dome of yellow leaves. Several tiny twigs scratched away at her skin, yet the strong wind blowing against her face permitted her from feeling the pain. She climbed higher and higher until the Titan was far off below her, a small running insect.

Then, she let go. 

The wires of her gear zipped into place in absence of Aza's command. A freefalling sensation took over her body as if her stomach had been drop-kicked into a bottomless pit. A familiar feeling she had grown used to. Soon she was falling through the yellow sea of leaves again, even less mindful of the eye-snapping twigs. Her eyes were zeroed on the rapidly approaching ground. 

_'How many meters?_ ' the voice rang again.

Seven or less, and the number kept reducing at an impossible speed. Aza withheld from triggering her gear just yet. She could go lower. Her eyes were stinging with tears of discomfort but she forced them to stay open. Soon, she found herself diving only a breath away from the Titan's form. 

_There._

Just a second before her body could turn into a blood splash for the titan to stomp onto, she triggered her gear and let it save her. When the metal wires pegged themselves to the nearest tree bark, she arched her back, a step away from breakage, and hanged her arms above her head. 

It was a close call. So close, in fact, that she could feel the barest of gravel, graze on the skin of her hands. Her blades scraped against the forest's ground, summoning a wave of dust that sprayed straight into the Titans bulging eyes. 

Aza managed to lift herself onto the safety of a tree branch quickly enough to witness the creature pause, mid-way to running. It shrieked in pain- an ear-piercing sound- and made a hopeless attempt to scratch the dust out of its eyes with its meaty fingers. It wasn't long before Oluo caught up to speed and rammed into the Titan's nape, killing it instantly. 

Its neck snapped back, letting the rest of the head fall face-first on the ground. Oluo was standing on the scalp, catching his breath while his blood-covered blades dangled from his arms.

"Good work," he heaved. All the steam emitting from the titan's corpse did Oluo the service of hiding his proud smile. "Though that free-fall was way off base and could have gotten you killed-"

Aza scoffed and hopped down from the tree.  
"Well shit, now you ruined it." 

Before Oluo and Aza had the time to engage in another one of their petty bickerings, the rest of their squad emerged through the side of the path, having taken a shortcut to meet them. Her horse hadn't returned along with them, and there was nothing to do but hope it broke free, rather than got stomped to death.

Aside from the disappearance of her horse, there was something else off-putting about Squad Levi. The horrified, open-mouthed looks they were sporting made Aza turn her head in search of the source of their shock. 

And then she saw it. 

They had arrived at the outskirts of their first checkpoint base, and had a fair vantage point to the sight of an Abnormal, hovering over the small constructions in search of an appetizer. A mixture of disproportionate limbs, terrifyingly long claws, and a mouth with an opening as wide as its oddly shaped head. That was enough to make an experienced soldier shit his pants, even without the company of the other, shorter Titans littering the cobblestone alleyways, trying to catch the Scouts that buzzed around them like flies. It was chaos.

"Captain, I think I found what the Titan was after..." Oluo trailed off, his eyes, just like everyone else's, glued on the monster's face while it munched onto something that stained its teeth red. 

Aza's vision could be playing games but for a moment she thought the titan was smiling. Could it be? Could a creature possess a smile so sinister, evoked by the pleasure of devouring humans? 

Levi's voice broke through the mayhem.  
"Ride through the sides and regroup with Mike's squad. Rescue whatever and whoever is salvageable before Erwin's squad arrives." He sheathed out his blades, reinforcing his characteristic reverse grip. A tell-tale sign that heads were about to roll. "Do not engage unless I say so."

A series of 'yes sir' were answered and the squad mounted on their horses. Aza didn't speak. Instead, she wrapped a bold hand around the Captain's bicep, pulling him out of whatever trance he had entered, staring at the Titan. He flinched at the contact and his gaze moved to her face.

Aza regretted that decision almost immediately, but there was no backtracking now.   
"Captain, I really think-"

"I believe you were given orders, Officer." His voice was firm. Self-assured. Yet also harsh. Levi always spoke his orders as instructions to a fellow comrade. Now they sounded like an insult.

Aza didn't retort a word. However, her hand was still gripping on Levi's arm, in a pleading gesture. _'Don't handle this alone.'_

He shook himself out of her grip.  
"I will not lay my squad's life on the line until I am given direct orders by Erwin. In the meantime, find yourself a gas canister, reload, and follow your squad. Do not underestimate the enemy, and most of all, do not underestimate me."

But Aza didn't underestimate him. If anything, the Captain was the sole person she respected above everyone and everything. How he could ever think Aza saw him as anything less was beyond her, and so she chose not to respond.   
"Yes sir." 

With that, they took their separate ways. Aza geared herself on the tile-roof of the nearest building and broke in through the makeshift hole on the roof. Her eyes took in the mess that had become the supply closet. Every object had been thrown down, shaken out of its place, and debris littered the wooden planks of the floor, along with fresh stains of blood. No corpse accompanied them.

Hastily, she grabbed the first two gas canisters she had eyes on, and took herself outside on the roof where she had a better view of her surroundings. She kept out of the Titans' sight, hiding both her presence and her shadow behind the steep of the roof while changing her empty canisters with the new ones.

From where she stood, no soldier's fallen body could be seen, and any living ones who were previously fighting the lower classes had retreated. Yet the Abnormal was still looking for its meal, by lifting pieces of debris and peering under them with a chilling grin. 

Sign of intelligence, borderline use of tools. The realization made Aza shudder and work through her gear faster. 

The Abnormal crouched to peer under a slope of fallen roof tiles, and Aza's mind couldn't help but construct an attack plan against its exposed nape. A clear cut path laid before her. The opportunity was there. She could have taken it with ease. All it took was a press of her fingers. But she let it slip. 

The captain's orders were clear; _Stay out of it._

She had just replaced the first canister when she saw the Captain's figure spin into view. Aza would never get tired of watching him fight. Admittedly, it was a mesmerizing sight. From the way, his expression remained deadpanned and focused even when hanging upside down, to the way his blades were always shinning clean against the sunlight, contrary to his clothes that were drenched in blood. Aza was envious of his technique, his captivating skill, his one-of-a-kind abilities. Sometimes, Levi made it seem that the stitched-up emblem of the Wings of freedom that decorated his cape, were _actual_ wings. 

He might truly be Humanity's Strongest, as the papers call him.

Aza gave into the need to keep a watchful eye over her Captain, and delayed following her squad's path, even if she hadn't get refilled on gas properly. She observed Levi as he spun around the mass of trees, hair blowing, blades on the ready, coursing straight for the Abnormal's neck. 

The metal of his swords sliced the thick patch of skin, but instead of the head-snapping movement Aza expected the Titan to perform on his fall, the creature simply held a hand over its bleeding shoulder blade, and let out an agitated groan.

It was brief. A mere fragment of a mistake. But Captain Levi had missed his target. 

Aza's eyes involuntarily widened and a soundless gasp escaped her.  
Granted there were many things about the Captain's figure that she yet had to figure out, but the one thing she was certain of, the one, universally acknowledged truth about him was this: Levi never misses. Each of his movements is carefully calculated, assessed through his head, over and over, before performing it to perfection.

Levi _never_ misses.

She craned her neck above her hiding place, searching for a sign, anything that could provide a reasonable explanation. Levi was half-hanging on a high tree trunk, aggressively pulling at the wires of his gear. They were lagging. Aza wasn't too far, yet she could clearly hear the sound of grinding metal, from where she was crouching. Not a sound one's gear should be making, under any circumstances.

The Titan slowly turned its head towards him, having found the one responsible for its mild annoyance. In a sloppy movement, the creature shot its clawed hand out to grab Levi in its fist. He swung out of the way in time, and the Titan ended up crushing the tree bark in a sheer momentum of strength.

_Stay out of it,_ Aza reminded herself when she felt the click of the second canister, locking into place. She turned to look for her squad but they had moved forward. Her feet were buried on the roof's surface, but her knees quivered, fighting the urge to stand up. 

It all happened in a flash.   
The Captain clumsily maneuvered around the closest tree and went for his target again. In turn, the Titan opened the leeway to his alarmingly large mouth and waited for him to jump straight inside.

Aza's nails dug into her palms. _Stay out of-_

Levi's gear lagged again, failing to swing him around the back of the Titan's neck. In fact, it failed to keep him swinging entirely, and let him free-fall just above the titan's awaiting mouth, instead.

Panic, in its most gruesome form, flashed across the Captain's features. A kind of shockwave that comes seconds before your mind starts reeling with obscure existential questions. Aza didn't give room for these thoughts to grow in his head. 

Her hands shot out before she even had the chance to break down the details of her crumbling plan. Her trigger fingers pressed on her sword hilts, and the unbreakable wires sliced the humid wind, just as a horrifying scream tore through her throat. It tested the limits of her vocal cords, shaking them, pulling them, snapping them.

_"Levi!"_

The sound of his name hadn't quite echoed yet when the wires found their target. One pegged on the roof of the Titan's exposed pallet, and one pierced through the Captain's calve. Before he could register the shift in power, Levi's body was being hurled back by Aza's gear as she took his place on the opening of the Titan's mouth.

During that split second it took for them to exchange places, she saw the Captain, crash against the roof she was previously standing on, breaking a few crimson tiles on his way. His expression was a panorama far more fulfilling than anything Aza thought would be her farewell to the world of the living. His thin eyebrows had lifted, his mouth hung open, unknown words stuck into his throat. He wasn't panicked, nor angry, nor focused.

He was surprised.

Aza had succeeded in the impossible task of catching Levi Ackerman off guard. 

Shame. She wouldn't get to relish in that victory. In that fleeting moment, Levi's favorite teaching echoed in Aza's head.

_'Whatever choice you make, make sure it's the one you'll regret the least.'_

Did she regret this? Perhaps if she had more time to process the decision, she would have. But right now, no regrets gnawed at her mind. She didn't, and most likely wouldn't this one choice. 

So, no. No regrets on taking the leap of faith.

The rest, she had no time to think about. The jaws of death snapped shut. And then, darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when characters who only refer to each other by nicknames/ titles, call each other their full name on an important moment>>>>  
> blink if you agree.


	6. The Ghosts of the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The sheer fact that I have sketched out this chapter multiple times and went out of my way to color it and post it on Tumblr? Wild. I do love hurting myself.

_The day Levi met Aza, it was raining._

_He remembers the feeling of the soft autumn drizzle clearly, the way it trickled down the leaves and splashed down the muddy ground of the Corp's training area. The memory of that day was marked so vividly in his head that if he were asked to paint it, he wouldn't have missed a single detail. From the clouds' unique shade of grey to the deep green of the pine trees, he could see it still._

_Levi hated rain with a passion, and for that, he'd been trying to sprint back inside the Hq's dryness as quickly as possible, hood drawn at its fullest. Ever since the day of his first expedition, he thought raining was a bad omen._

_He couldn't have known how bad, until he heard a series of annoyed grumbles travel across the small forest of the HQ's estate, upon his return from the stables._

_The sound caught his attention, and bending to his intuition's will, he followed it. It took him one or two wrong turns around the towering silhouettes of trees to figure out the whining was coming from above him._

_Amid the rise of his gaze, he noticed a scout, tangled up in an inseparable mess of gear wires, dangling from a tree like a butterfly cocoon. If he hadn't been so puzzled, he would have laughed at the sight._

_The girl, judging from the lack of insignia on the back of her jacket, was a cadet. A very annoyed cadet, tossing and turning in a pathetic attempt to untangle herself from that wool ball._

_She hadn't noticed Levi approaching, since her instincts had laid their guard down. First offense, in Levi's book._

_"Care to explain what the fuck it is that you're doing up there?"_

_Before he even got to finish his sentence, the cadet had jolted in surprise, and as a result, lost her gripping of the wires on the angle she had going on. The wires retracted, tightening around the branches of the tree in a new puzzle, and the cadet ended up hanging upside down, freely._

_"I uh..." she attempted to wipe her wet bangs away from her shiny forehead. Once her vision cleared and she locked eyes with Levi, she paused. "just hanging, sir."_

_"It doesn't look like much fun from this angle," he commented in a deadpanned tone._

_"Yes well, it's a punishment so it's not supposed to be fun. I got myself in a..." she picked a wire, trying to find a beginning or an ending to it, to no avail. "tight spot, if you will, during training and um...Squad Leader Mike refused to help me down, ordering my classmates to act accordingly. He also said I stink of arrogance, although I have no clue as to what that smells like, or how he knows that."_

_Second offense; She had gotten to Mike's bad side. Levi would have to gift that son of a bitch a cup of tea. This was innovative reform punishment at its finest._

_He crossed his arms over his chest and tilted his head just a little._   
_"Sounds to me like Zacharias is either a sadist, or you did something worth of hanging off a tree for...how long have you been here?"_

_"It...it was shiny when I got stuck," she scratched the back of her braided hair. "And as for the reason for my hanging, I tried to outmaneuver one of my classmates during a team exercise. But to my defense, he was challenging me so...yeah, that didn't go over so well."_

_Third offense; cocky and competitive spirit. The kind which often got fresh Privates killed on their first outing. Not even five minutes of knowing the cadet and Levi had already blacklisted her. Some could argue that catching the Corporal's eye was a good thing, but not in this case. Then, it just meant Levi got the instantaneous urge to crush that brat's cockiness into fucking smithereens._

_In response to Levi's silence, the stranger flashed a genuine smile that showcased her perfectly straight teeth. Realization hit Levi like an uppercut to the jaw._

_She had Isabell's smile._

_He froze in place, unable to so much as speak a spicy retort. He remained looking at the smiling girl, the way the rain's droplets outlined her slim face and ended up buried in her dark her, and how the few rays of sun that managed to filter through the clouds hit the exact tree she was hanging from, creating some sort of pearly halo around her head._

_"Considering I was hanging from a bit higher before, I have made progress but since you're here now, would you mind giving me a hand sir..." she squinted the rain out of her eyes to try and look at Levi's rank patch._

_"Levi."_

_Her eyebrows shot up._   
_"Oh, I've heard of you! Lance Corporal Levi is it not? Best gear user on the Regiment? I have sword training with you first thing tomorrow morning if I'm not mistaken. Funny, how you should be the one to find me here..."_

_Levi entertained the idea of turning on his heel and leaving the cadet to continue her bat imitation. It was Mike's responsibility anyway, and Levi wouldn't want anyone intervening in his punishment either. As long as the girl peered at him with that smile though, he wasn't able to tear his eyes off of her face, let alone turn around and leave._

_Without so much more than a scoff, Levi got out one of his pocket knives and approached the hanging figure of the girl. He grabbed a stiff hold of her harness's buckles she wasn't able to reach on her own and cut them all off._

_She hadn't even had the time to register Levi's movement, before falling, hands-first, on the muddy pool of rainwater bellow. Levi's sniffed a huff at the way mud splashed higher up on his boots._

_When the girl stood up to her full height (not bothering to clean off any of the excess mud on her clothes), Levi came to the annoying realization that she was taller than him, if only by half a forehead. The reappearance of her grin and extension of her hand caught Levi's focus again._

_"I'm Aza, by the way. Aza Macht."_

_The name immediately rang a bell inside Levi's head and it took him a little less than a moment to retrace its sound to last month's newspaper headlines._

_'The Machts plummet!'_   
_'Machts evicted from the family's mansion after the death of the remaining heir!'_   
_'The noble line dies along with Kaizer Macht!'_

_Levi couldn't fathom the reasoning for a befallen noble to join the army. The Scouting Legion of all places. She would better fit elsewhere in some money-leeching job like a fucking tax collector or something or at least choose the Military Police where anyone can be bribed with a bottle of shitty whiskey. Yet, she chose to be recruited by the Survey Corp and was doing so with an irritating smile on her face._

_She must either be really dense, or simply suicidal._

_By now, Aza had retrieved her hand, having figured that Levi wouldn't return the handshake._

_"So, you're a Rich kid?" he quirked an eyebrow._

_"Former Rich kid." she smiled. She seemed to be doing that a lot. Annoying._

_Levi whipped his small blade on the fabric of his pants and then sheathed it in his harness again._   
_"Let me give you a piece of useful advice, Macht. Your knife is your best friend on the battlefield. And when I say battlefield, I mean everywhere. You go on an expedition? Bring a knife. You head out to town? Bring a knife. You go to the fucking toilet? Knife."_

_She snorted at the last part, but quickly tried to cover it when she saw Levi had been dead-serious._

_"Never depend on anyone to get you down from the next tree you get stuck on."_

_"Firmly noted, sir," she cleared her throat. "Although, I'd imagine not getting stuck on a tree again would be preferable."_

_Levi's eyes gave her a last once-over, from her dirty boots to her disheveled hair. Definitely not the look of a noble. He drew his hood closer and begun walking away before turning over his shoulder with the dire need to say something more._

_"Another thing," he quipped and noticed she was already looking at him. "Don't be late tomorrow. I despise tardiness."_

_"Of course, Corporal, sir."_

_She did in fact arrive on time for Levi's lesson the following day. She was the first to check in on the training grounds, right at the crack of dawn. That minuscule gesture of respect pulled her in on Levi's good graces, but the fondness didn't last long._

_Aza made the grave mistake of raising a confident hand when Levi had asked for an exhibition volunteer. Immediately, he understood Mike's first assessment of her. Despite what she may have thought, it wasn't Levi's masterful hand that tossed her back on the grass with her sword thrown a few yards away. It was her absurd confidence and dispensable arrogance that got her in that position._

_Levi still remembers the face he held at the sharp point of his sword that day. An equal mix of surprise, confusion, and a hint of regret. It was the face of someone who knew they had fucked up and were ready to face the consequences. It was the face Aza chose to wear when she came knocking on his office's door that same afternoon and uttered a proposal that would unknowingly lead them both into something more than they had bargained for._

_"This morning you disarmed me, as though I were a child holding a pointy stick. Teach me how to do it."_

To this day, Levi doesn't know why he accepted. He can always blame it on his younger self's easily-stroked ego. Or he can lay responsibility on that certain "you were right" face.

It was the same face Aza chose to wear in this very instant, while she was flying her way towards the awaiting mouth of a Titan. That face, the glossy eyes, parted lips and disheveled bangs were the last thing he got to see before the Titan's mouth snapped shut.

Levi's mind went blank at the sight. 

Suddenly, the excruciating pain on his back where he had landed on, started to numb. No, scratch that. His whole body started to numb. He found himself unable to breathe. A single gulp of air was stuck in his windpipe, refusing to move either up or down. A gawking sound of oblivion reached his ears, and he could only guess it came from his hanging mouth.

He regarded the beast. From the top of its hideous head to its bare feet, he drunk the disgusting sight. A single, repeating thought coursed through his brain as he did so. 

_End it._

He was filled to the brim with the unwavering desire to kill the Titan. No, not just kill it. He wanted to slaughter it. To amputate it and force it to devour its own limbs. To paint the surrounding forest _red_ with its insides. He wanted to drive his blade so far and deep into the abomination's core until it became conscious enough to grasp the true meaning of never-ending suffering. 

Suffering. He wanted to teach it a new language of suffering. 

Levi's throat cleared with a snap. Whatever came out of it- a hitched breath or a sob-he choked back. His first instinct was to plant his right foot on the ground and raise himself off the debris he had created with his fall. When he attempted to do so, he regained feeling on his leg, from the intense pain that shot through it. The muscle sported a proper hole and was bleeding like a faucet. The impact nearly sent Levi back on his knees with a strained cry.

The titan picked up the sound and snapped its head to properly face the Captain. Its teeth were flashing, red stains spread all over their ivory surface. Among those stains, there was a glimmer.

Levi paused. He forced the state of his vertigo to the back of his head and looked at the Titan's mouth again, not fully believing his eyes.

Its jaws weren't fully locked, and there was a hidden shining, concealed between its fangs. The distinctive flash of a Scout's unbreakable blade, serving as a barrier to prevent the Titan's mouth to close entirely.

Aza was still in there.

He didn't know how, and there was simply not enough time to figure out. With chopped, almost drunk movements Levi's hands fumbled with his gear, pulling at the wires aggressively in an attempt to unhinge them. It wouldn't budge. The unsatisfying sound of the gear's cracking mechanism filled the space between him and the approaching Titan. He didn't have the time. 

"Fuck!" he cursed, letting the dysfunctioning wires be. He could do this with only two hooks and one leg. He had to. 

Once again, he tried to stand up, this time successfully. He stomped his injured leg so hard that he crushed another roof tile beneath the sole of his boot. As if to reprimand his own body, teach it to be more resilient. With a heaving chest and white, gripping knuckles, he lurched off the edge of the roof, towards the Titan. 

He wasted no time in excessive maneuvers given the condition of his gear, no matter how much he wanted to be creative with this filth's death. He lodged two good hooks on each side of its thin throat and swung around the back, a cry tearing his throat.

The moment his blades made contact with the sensitive patch of skin was exhilarating. For pleasure's sake, he dug deeper as he flew. So deep that he ended up slashing off the support point of the Titan's entire neck, instead of just his nape. Its whole head flung back, upper jaw separating from its bottom pair. 

Out of the mess of blood and thick saliva that erupted, Levi was able to make out a ball of deep green cloth and dove straight towards it. He wrapped an arm around the falling mass and then his gear lagged again, making his landing a whole lot rougher than he expected. 

The solid plain of stepped-over grass welcomed him with open arms. The entirety of his useless weight was dumped onto the body he was holding as they both crashed into the ground with little protection from the unforgiving gravel. Only when he'd stopped moving, being dragged by the sheer momentum of his fall, was Levi able to register all the pain hotspots in his body. The sensation was almost blinding, yet he forced himself to push up from the person below him. 

Aza, that is, in all her sticky, blood-stained, groaning glory.

Levi almost smiled, but that was until he realized Aza's groans weren't born out of annoyance, but intense pain. He got himself on his knees, straddling her thighs to give her space to breathe, then took her ashen face into his clammy hands. It burned hot.

"Macht?" he called and started giving her airy little slaps on the cheek, trying to center her gaze. Her eyes were rolling around, determined to search the back of her skull. 

" _Aza!_ Aza, talk to me!" he demanded, eyes searching for any clue that she had heard him. Or even communicating with her environment, at least.

She coughed violently and a sprite of dark blood exited along with it, splattering across Levi's cravat. Her mouth opened and closed a few times before she was able to coax out a word.

"R-Ribs" 

Immediately, Levi's hands let go of her head, gently, and flew to the sides of her waist, beneath the fabric of her dirty, torn up shirt. He started counting from the top.

One down, two down, three-

Something boney made contact with Levi's forearm and he flinched. In a swift movement, he lifted the hem of the shirt and he all but gasped.

_Sweet mother of fuck_. Her fourth rib had broken out of her body.

The ivory bone was peaking through her torn skin, hitting air while covered in blood, strings of flesh, and everything nasty. The arrant pressure of the Titan's jaws, ramming down her single sword must have been too much to bear. Her body had given up and snapped in half.

Levi blinked once, then not again. His hands were paused mid-air, and it wasn't until the sound of running footsteps reached his ears that he broke out of his trance. 

"Captain sir- Holy fucking shit!" Oluo shrieked the second half of his sentence at the sight of Aza, and Petra, who stood right next to him, covered her mouth with her hand in an attempt not to vomit. 

Levi's movements became automatic as he ripped Aza's cape away from her body, and started tearing it into strips. Oluo slid on his knees and sat right next to him. Everything about him was shaking, from his hands to his confused head, to his irises, blown out in horror. 

"S-Spider? A...Aza! What-What is this- I."

Levi put a halt to his ripping movements to grab hold of Oluo's collar instead. He pulled him in and cast the most intimidating glare he could muster.   
"Focus, Bozado! You're not going to save her by quavering like a fucking horny schoolgirl. Now get your shit in check and help me carry her to the infirmary."

Oluo gulped, seemingly scared of Levi's reaction to what he had to say.  
"It-It was crushed, sir! The infirmary building has been crushed to pieces."

"What about the first aid supplies? Is anything salvageable?"

"That won't do sir," Petra responded, eyes downcast. "The Officer is gravely injured. She needs to be operated immediately or else..." 

She didn't dare finish the sentence.

This was all Levi's fault. If he had woven his maneuver more carefully, then Aza wouldn't have to intervene. Hell, if he'd figured out his gear was malfunctioning sooner... If he'd been more insistent on Aza staying out of harm's way...if he hadn't picked her out to join his squad...if, if, if.  
A thousand 'if', each representing a choice Levi could have made differently, and yet none guaranteed Aza would be saved. 

The sudden movement he caught up from his peripherical vision interrupted his line of thought. A horse without a rider had emerged through the outskirts of greenery, riding on a pre-set course towards them. 

It strode up to them at an alarming speed, until Petra gripped the reigns in an attempt to slow it down.   
"Easy, there! Easy!" She raised her open palms as the horse neighed it protest. 

Aza's horse. Even if Levi hadn't recognized it by its generic grey color, the horse's reaction upon seeing Aza was a clear indicator of its identity. It raised on its two back hooves, letting out panicked and restless neighs at the bloody mess Levi and Oluo were hovering over. Loyal bastard.

This was Levi's fault. And he had to fix it. He will fix it. 

"Bozado!" he called and the man turned around frantic, not knowing what to do with the red marking his hands. "Are there any other gravely injured?"

"Uh-no, Captain! Shallow cuts and some fractures as far as injuries are concerned and then...casualties."

Levi craned his neck to look at the color of the sky. Dusk, he figured by the purple undertones and orange hues. He sheathed out his dagger and sliced off Aza's harness to rid her of her gear's weight, then lifted her into his arms. His leg screamed at the extra weight and so did Aza. He promptly ignored the pain and carried on towards Aza's horse. 

"Tend to the injured and collect the bodies until the night falls properly," he ordered, then proceeded to carefully hoist Aza's body on the saddle, then climbed right behind her with a hiss. "If Erwin's Squad hasn't arrived by then with further orders, you have my permission to fall under the command of Squad Mike. I'm riding back to the HQ."

"Captain Levi, you can't ride like this. You're bleeding, for fuck's sake!" Oluo interjected, watching with widened eyes as Levi unstrapped his own gear and only kept his swords. 

Petra nodded rapidly.  
"With all due respect sir, I agree. You are not in the right headspace, nor authorized for a solo return to base. Besides, it's still not completely dark, and the enemy might be active!" 

Levi's face gave no signs of acknowledgment, and he merely adjusted Aza's body so that it rested comfortably against his chest. She was still awake, and whining in the slightest movement, but barely.   
"You both can report my insubordination to Erwin if that will quench your sense of responsibility."

He pulled the reigns to initiate the horse's trotting, but Petra got into the way, permitting it from galloping.   
"Sir," she warned, and it was the most confident Levi had ever seen her.

"Ral, move it."   
She stood her ground, albeit with great effort. "That is an order."

She lowered her gaze and turned to her side, though Levi didn't miss the way she silently gritted her teeth. He allowed the horse to move a little closer and held off at going off just yet. He turned to look at Petra, who was proudly avoiding his eyes. 

"Learn something from this, Private. It's something Commander Erwin would never approve of my teaching, and that's exactly why it's important. To him, the fate of the mission is the highest hierarchy, and it's always worth sacrificing lives in its temple. To me, it's the other way around. Neither philosophy is correct, for they are both absolute. So you must choose and act accordingly to both, depending on the situation. Today I'm choosing for you. I'm putting the life of a soldier above my orders. Next time, when the choice is on you, make sure it's the one you won't regret."

Only then did she raise her head to meet him. Levi caught a characteristic glimmer in her brown eyes, before snapping the reigns of the horse and riding off. It was the glimmer of genuine admiration, that made Levi's stomach drop whenever it was directed at him. Each person who has cast him that glimmer has either ended up dead or was bound to. 

The prime proof of that statement was presently leaning her back on his chest, with her airy head bouncing rhythmically to the horse's gallop. 

\---  
Night fell down quicker than Levi had expected. On one hand, it meant not having to be on the look-out for Titans, and on the other, he had to be vigilant about everything else. A thin fob engulfed the forest like a veil, rendering the night visions all the more unsettling. Levi could barely see beyond the dome of naked twigs above him that separated the sky into uncountable pieces, like a smashed mirror. Sounds of twitching branches, strange whistling of the wind, crunching leaves, and the occasional sign of movement, was what kept his mind busy for the majority of the ride.

Without the extra bearing of the metal gear, Aza's horse was considerably faster, to the point where Levi often missed the unexpected twigs that jumped in his line of vision every once in a while, determined to scratch at his face and arms. 

Meanwhile, Macht had been drifting in and out of consciousness. Levi had been trying to keep her awake for as long as possible, fearing that each time her eyes fluttered shut would be the last. Either by a light shake of her shoulder or a pat on the head, using his free hand, Levi sought to wake her from a much-desired slumber. After a while, he realized that even in her woken moments, Aza wasn't truly conscious. She only seemed able to whimper and groan to express pain, with the rare muttering of the words "it hurts" that made Levi snap the reigns harder to accelerate. 

They had been going like this for a few hours -her diving and breaking out of sleep, and he riding, while making sure they both stayed sitting on the saddle- until their steed started slowing down, requesting a rest. 

Levi brought the three of them to a stop, tied the horses restrains to a tree bark and got him and Aza to sit on the grass below. While the animal was taking its breather, munching onto some wheat, Levi took the time to check his and Aza's injuries. 

He had made sure to tie his leg properly at some point, tight enough to both halt the heavy bleeding and numb the intense pain. That was more than what could be said for Aza's wound, that seemed to rid every cloth Levi has used to wrap it. He lifted her shirt again whilst she was laying on his lap, fast asleep, and tried to clean the bloody shitshow, yet again. 

What little water was left in his satchel he used to wash off his hands before going to re-bind the wound for the fifth time. The least he could do was prevent an infection from slipping under his nose, even though that looked to be the least of Macht's problems, with a whole rib sticking out of her chest. All that could be done was keep the rib still to prevent it from slashing any more skin until Hange could operate her. He had lost track of how much blood she had lost in those few hours, as well as the amount of cloth he had spent on her bindings. It wasn't until that moment he realized he had nothing to wrap up the wound again.

The rippings of Aza's cloak had run out, and her once white shirt was now too dirty to be used as a bandage. He started patting Aza's jacket pockets, in hopes to find some sort of handkerchief, but instead, he was met with the sound of a crack. Thankfully, it didn't sound like a bone, rather something metallic. His hand stilled itself, before slowly opening the pocket, and digging the broken object out.

He couldn't help the curse that escaped him when he brought his open palm under the moonlight.   
"Fuck..."

In his hands laid Aza's golden lighter, broken in two pieces. Just thinking about her reaction to seeing the unhinged cup and chipped edge, made Levi's stomach churn. He stuffed the object in his own jacket, deciding to deal with one mess at a time. 

Levi looked around, gaze hopping from the leather of his small pack to the tight fabric of his pants, to his shirt, but it was no use. Nothing was clean enough except for...

His cloak.   
Or rather, Farlan's old cloak.

The thought crossed his mind, then fleeted in denial. He couldn't fucking do it. But he must.

A slow hand came to clasp the broach on his neck, seeking to unclasp it. It stopped a breath away, refusing to move another inch.

_He couldn't do it._

With a clenched jaw, he forced his hand to undo the binding and drew the cloak off his shoulders and onto his lap. His fingers, calloused and freezing, gripped the deep green fabric, all ready to pull it apart. 

_He couldn't do it._

That's what he thought. 

He heard the sound of ripping threads before he felt his hands initiate it. It clawed at his ears from inside out, repeating over and over. It was painful. He gasped for air, suddenly feeling suffocated, and squinted his eyes shut. 

"I'm sorry..." he whispered, not that anyone could hear him.

Still, there echoed an answer.

"Oh, it's quite alright,"

Levi's head snapped at the direction of the familiar voice with parted lips. His gaze landed on a pair of blue eyes, idly staring back at him. Farlan smiled.  
"Green was never my favorite color."

The boy he knew a lifetime ago sat there on the grey grass, with his knees drawn close to his chest. The way he always did. Levi gawked, not sure if answering would further push this unwanted hallucination. 

"Great," he finally scoffed and it almost sounded like a laugh. A very empty laugh. "You can talk now! I'm finally going fucking crazy." 

"Weren't you always?" 

When the third voice reached Levi's ears he stuffed his head in his hands, refusing to meet Isabelle's gaze. He hadn't "seen" them for years. 

"Don't be a bitch Lev, you called us here."

"Oi, stop that," he pointed an accusing finger towards the blonde, who merely smirked. "Stop reading my thoughts out loud."

"I am your thoughts, you podge."

Right. They're not _actually_ here. They will never be here again. This is just the result of his intense blood loss and desperate thoughts. 

"Well if you're going to be here for a while, you two dunderheads might as well help me think?" he asked, not sure if he actually wanted them to stay around for that long. Or talk.

While Levi worked his hands around Aza's new bandage, Isabelle, or rather her pestering ghost, crawled into his line of vision and sat cross-legged next to Aza's lulled head that rested on his lap. 

She peered at him with her clear emerald eyes, and for a split second, her smiling face was replaced with a picture of her decapitated head. Levi blinked. Then, it was gone. _Thank fuck._

"I think I would have liked this one," she mused and looked over Macht with curiosity. 

She would have. Macht would have liked her too, but perhaps in some other way. Isabelle was her type, from what Levi has gathered over the years. Sweet, soft-spoken, bright eyes, but feisty just to spice things up. Levi was sure as hell not going to have that talk with Isabelle's ghost, though. He focused on tying a good nott instead. 

"Yeah, well, she'll be joining you in a few, the way our fucking luck has been going."

Farlan gave a dismissive glare at Levi's mess of a leg and scoffed.  
"Do you remember what we used to call each other as kids?"

A rhetorical question, really. "Rats."

"Remember why?"

"Because like rats, we were hard to get rid of," he said, hoping that his downcast hair would hide the barest hint of a smile that played on his lips.

"That's fucking right. So, cut the bullshit, Levi. The walls are an hour's ride. Instead of mopping around like a whiny runt, get your ass on that horse and _ride_. It'd be an embarrassment to the rat community for you to kick the bucket because of a leg scratch." 

Levi sent him a deadly stare and received a careless shrug from Farlan, in return.  
"What? It's not my fault you have such an accurate depiction of him."

He couldn't argue with that. Then again, Farlan was hard to forget. 

Levi took the ruined cloak in his hands again and examined the ripped hood, and its missing piece wrapped around Aza's midriff. For the first time since he'd picked her up, she was having a peaceful moment of sleep. Her nose and eyebrows weren't scrunched in pain and her forehead was no longer covered in cold sweat.

"What if she doesn't make it?"

"She will," Isabelle cut him off, all seriousness.

"I'm being realistic here. What if I don't get to the HQ in time? What do I tell her mother, hm?"

"What you tell every parent whose child lost their life to our war. What you told Stain's family, and what you'll inevitably have to say to a dozen other families in the future."

"And what do I tell myself?"  
Levi didn't dare look at either of their faces when he asked this. He wasn't sure what emotion would be depicted in their faces. He wasn't even sure if they were actually their faces or a tainted memory of them.

Still, he couldn't bear the silence that engulfed them.  
"Have you forgiven me?" Now he did look up, nothing but smiles to be seen.

"I guess what you're truly asking is whether you have forgiven yourself." 

An actual laugh escaped Levi this time.  
"I know I haven't. And most likely never will. What I want to know if my friend as cruel to me as I am with myself."

"You know I can't answer that, big Bro."

He hummed in understanding. That seemed like a positive note to end this hallucination on, and it was high time he got back on the saddle, anyway. After he picked up Aza's sleeping body again and turned to look at the roots of the tree he was laying on, there was no one there. 

"Keep an eye on me, brats."  
\-----

Getting the gates to re-open, solely on his behalf, was a bitch.   
Levi had to shoot his two remaining flares until the Garrison shits realized they weren't shooting stars but a cry for help. In all honestly, Levi must have been looking like a speeding ant from where they were standing, and their delay to grant him access was understandable. 

That didn't stop him from cursing them out as he whirled past the barely opened gateway, however. Just like the narrow streets didn't stop him from maintaining his breakneck speed, while passing through the heavy crowd. The simple courtesy of not running people over had become a game of chance at this point. By the number of yelps and expletives thrown at his way, as well as the occasional flying bag of groceries, it looked as though Levi was winning. 

So long as they got out of his fucking way. 

When he reached the HQ he didn't even bother to station Aza's horse, as much as the task kept nagging at the back of his head. There were more pressing matters at hand, and therefore he threw the reigns at the first confused cadet he spotted doing stable duty and ran inside with Aza in his shaky arms. 

He was so focused on his painstaking run down the main hall he barely noticed the mortified expressions of the Scouts that happened to be on sight. He barely noticed the bloody trail he was living behind him too, mostly because he didn't want to find out whether it came from him or Aza.

"Captain Levi! Wh- You're bleeding!"

"Where is the rest of the troop? Are they back already?"

"What has happened?"

"Is the Commander with you? What's going on?"

He answered all of the pestering questions at once, with a deafening yell that bounces across every edge of the hallway.  
"Where is Lieutenant Zoe?"

A few trembling fingers pointing to the infirmary is all it for Levi to force his body to take a swift turn and barge through the double doors using his back.

Hange's head snapped upward from whatever they were working on, and the greeting smile they were about to offer quickly vanished.   
"Short-Stack, what in fuck's name-"

Levi readjusted Aza in his arms to free one of his hands and used to wipe clear the nearest table, casting whatever shit was laying on it aside. Hange let out a pointed yell at the sound of crystal vials smashing on the floor, yet their focus redirected at the clear sight of Aza's injury. Levi had never thought their eyes could grow wider.

"Molbit!" she shouted for her cadet assistant, wherever he might have been. "Get your scrawny ass ready for an operation, and do it quickly!" 

It seemed as though the moment he'd set Macht on the table, Levi's body had immediately resumed functioning according to his injury. He could now feel the effects of his blood loss at full swing. Vertigo, nausea, the receding vision. Levi's hand jumped forward, catching Hange's forearm in a brute gesture. 

"No!" They tried to wiggle out of his grasp to get working. "No, you...you do it, you fix her..."

Molbit was a great assistant, as little as Levi had noticed him. Though it weren't his hand that was steadier than the foundations of the Walls. It wasn't his stitches that appeared to be invisible to the naked eye. It wasn't him that had closed up the majority of wounds on Levi's body. Nor had he concealed most of the scars Levi had gotten from performing stitches on himself as a kid.

That was Hange. And Molbit was no Hange. Plain and simple.

Levi felt his head tilt backward, and then Hange returning the grip to keep him steady.  
"Levi, your leg! You need to get that stitched up- hey! Keep your eyes on me! Molbit where are you, dammit?"

Hange kept talking, their voice gradually fading to nothingness in Levi's ears. In fact, everything was fading. His whole being had entered a floating state, and the last crumb of consciousness in him tried to anchor itself on Hange's hand. It didn't work. He let his eyes roll back and knees buckle, hitting fuck knows where. He only registered a faint, far away call of his name before surrendering himself to complete darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep trying to find creative opening and ending notes because I want to interact with you people and ease the pain but I end up sounding like I should be bonked on the head, which is fairly accurate to how I communicate in real life so yeah.


	7. The Pain of Breathing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm literally overusing the fuck out of flashbacks but they give me life so I won't apologize. I should also mention I did some art for this chapter which you can check out on my tumblr (@mayotheedgelord), and no I will not consider this shameless self-promo, because it's not shameless. Anyways, enjoy your daily dose of angst. :)

_"Higher, Da! Higher!"_

_Aza's giggles traveled across the gardens, as she continued to swing back and forth on her father's gear that hung off their yard's old tree. "Da", as she would call him, even when she was old enough to pronounce it correctly, obeyed her command and gave her small back a stronger push. The higher she swung, the louder her giggles would get._

_Yet, the fun was always interrupted._

_"Kaizer!"_   
_At the call of his name, Aza's father grabbed a hold of the gear's wires, bringing the swinging child and her giggles to a gentle stop. The both of them turned around to give Aza's mother a pair of identical, ever-loving smiles._

_"I've said this a million times!" The woman tapped her heel on the cobble of the front entrance as an act of impatience. "Do not let Azalea use that god-awful machinery! I can't have her injured!"_

_Despite Aza's sower pout, her father clicked on the triggers of the gear and let the wired retract inside the device. He barely managed to catch Aza from her free-fall, inviting a worrywart yelp from her mother, and a laugh from her. He lifted his daughter in his arms, and carelessly walked over to where his wife was standing, hands on her waist and a scowl on her lips._

_"She isn't going to get injured when she learns to use it herself, right Spider?"_

_"Yes, Da!" the child chirped, eyes glowing. "I will best you and become the best gear user in all of the Military Police!"_

_Her mother's scowl only deepened and she shook her head in firm disapproval._   
_"Do I really have to explain to you why you shouldn't get these ideas into her head?" she hissed._

_"Elsie," he put two fingers under the woman's chin, tilting her head to meet his lazy gaze. Even though she scoffed, it was clear that the sound of that nickname did wonders to pacify Elizabeth Macht's dangerous mood._   
_"Do I really have to remind you Aza is still a kid that's playing pretend, hm?"_

_"Hey! I'm not playing, I will join the Military Police when I'm big." The girl in question crossed her arms over her chest, and her mother found the perfect opportunity to cast a pointed glare at her father, who only smiled innocently._

_"Well, could it be so bad if she actually went through with it?" Kaizer's smile tugged further, revealing his not-so-well-hidden ambitions._

_"Yes!" Elizabeth didn't hesitate to argue. She never did, to be honest. It was always her way or the highway, and it's easy to guess how things usually went in the mansion._   
_"I can't believe you're already planning out our daughter's future in a place full of weapon-carrying, arrogant drunkards! She's ten, for crying out loud!"_

_Kaizer's hand trailed its way from his wife's chin to cup her cheek. She swatted it away, insisting on holding the high ground._   
_"You should know by now not all of us are drunkards, Elsie. Though you did marry a weapon-carrying and insanely arrogant government official."_

_At this, a small smile found its way onto the woman's red lips, declaring her husband victorious in their banter. Yet again._   
_"Why don't you stop flattering yourself, and instead get ready for the Arenberg's formal dinner, will you? I won't have us arriving late because you're out here role-playing." she flipped her hands in aggravation, and turned on her heel._

_"Will Esther be there?" Aza mused to her departing mother with an unreadable smirk._

_"Oi, there young baller," her father poked her tummy and she melted into a fit of laughter. "What have we said about playtime with the Lord's daughter?"_

_Aza sighed and deadpanned the appropriate answer._   
_"Don't mention it in front of mom, or else she'll start measuring me for a wedding gown."_

_"That's my girl."_

_Aza backtracked in that promise, just like her father backtracked on his, to never let her use his gear again._   
_As the years passed, she continuously borrowed Kaizer's gear whenever he was home, and sprunt off to the Macht estate's gardens, where she could swing freely from the pine trees. Most of the times, she'd successfully manage to slip past her mother's attention, by either having their servants swear to silence or by executing her outings in the dead of the night._

_As mentioned before...the fun was always interrupted._

_One certain gloomy afternoon, Aza barged into the mansion's library with excited steps, having unknowingly just used her father's gear for the last time. When her mother saw her enter, she stood to her feet, whereas her father remained seated at the dining table, cigarette in hand. Consequently, both of her parents had slipped on a mask. Her mother's was one of reprimanding, borderline fury, and her father's one of comfort. Comfort for what, she'd soon find out._

_"Da! You won't believe the twirl I just pulled by the garden's edge, I-_

  
_"Azalea Elizabeth Macht!" her mother crisped, making Aza's enthusiastic smile vanish. "You purposefully missed your calligraphy lesson and stood up your tutor! Can you believe the embarrassment that went through me when he told me he'd been waiting in the library for over half an hour?"_

_Aza rarely made excuses for her mistakes. She was wise enough to know when she'd been in the wrong and needed to apologize._   
_"Mother, you're right, I forgot myself..."_

_"And what is this?" her mother gestured at Aza's appearance with an exhausted breath._   
_The seam of her deep blue dress had been torn to shreds after accidentally being pulled in the gear once or twice, revealing Aza's dirty shins and nearly destroyed boots. If that weren't enough, there was a cut decorating her left knee, who's blood dripped down her skin and onto the carpet. A family heirloom._

_Aza remained silent and merely hung her head at the scolding._   
_"I'm sorry-"_

_"Sorry? Azalea you're almost seventeen. What you should be is responsible and reliable, not sorry."_

_Kaizer finally stood up from the table, grabbing ahold of his wife's shoulder._   
_"Elsie..." he pleaded for her to calm down, and the woman let out a sigh._

_Aza placed a clumsy hand over her gash to stop the bleeding, and further entered the dining room, following her father's gesture to approach._   
_"Is something wrong?" she tentatively asked and noticed how her mother averted her gaze._

_Her father took her hands in his and looked at them with the slightest hint of hesitancy._   
_"Spider, I've been chosen to execute some very important business on behalf of the military police."_

_Elizabeth scoffed. "Important business? You've been chosen to be sent to your death, Kaizer. Let's call things for what they are."_

_Aza's eyes widened in an instant and she felt her father's grip on her hands tighten._   
_"Your mother is being dramatic as always," he dismissed with a click of his tongue. "I've been assigned with accompanying the Scout Regiment in one of their Expeditions and reporting back the state of their ongoing bases. Outside of the walls."_

_A pregnant pause passed and then Aza inhaled a sharp breath. She didn't know whether to smile or frown, to clasp her hands in excitement, or bury her face in them. So she just looked at her father blankly while her mouth performed gawking sounds._

_"These are...good news?" she asked, testing the waters._

_"They most certainly are not!" her mother cut in, turning her back towards them. "The Scouting Regiment is nothing more than a waste of the people's taxes, with the credibility of a prison inmate! They're hiring criminals now, for heaven's sake!"_

_"If you're talking about that Levi champ, you should know these are just ill-intended rumors. I've met the kid, there's nothing wrong with him, apart from his sharp tongue. His talents are more than compensating for the rudeness," Kaizer let out a small laugh which made Aza's smile return._

_"He sounds intriguing," she attempted a joke, but her mother wasn't having it._

_The woman shook her head, dismissing the stray subject. She turned to Kaizer with all the serenity she could muster._   
_"Can you not refuse?"_

_"I cannot, but more importantly, I don't want to."_

_That's all that Aza remembers of the conversation. The rest is a mix of distant yelling, and sounds of doors banging shut._

_She wasn't scared at the prospect of her father venturing outside of the walls. She had mixed feelings but more than anything, she was confused. Confused as to why they chose him, or what going on an expedition even meant. She wasn't scared. Not until the day of his leave arrived and she stood amongst the soldier's families._

_Maybe it was the uneasy rattle of hooves on the cobblestone, or maybe the clinging metal of the soldier's gear that was making this image all too real, but at that moment, Aza was absolutely petrified._

_She had tried to briefly distract herself by thinking about how her mother would be complaining about the smelling pile of wheat they had to feed the horses and the obnoxious laughing of some younger soldiers sitting a few yards away. Had she been there, that is. Elizabeth had refused to attend the farewell gathering, as some sort of angry statement towards Kaizer. That left Aza and her father, holding hands in the middle of the weeping families, until the church's bell chimed thrice, signaling the troop's departure._

_Kaizer turned to depart, but Aza's shy voice kept him from walking away._   
_"Da," she called, hand reaching in the air for a moment, before crumbling in doubt. What more was there to say? Could any of it stop him from leaving?_

_Kaizer chuckled very softly._   
_"Spider-"_

_"Promise me."_

_His smile faded, making it all the clearer how heavy the atmosphere was. The surrounding sounds died in Aza's ears. There was only her father. And he was leaving. For real. He was venturing outside of the walls, possibly with no return, and there was nothing Aza could say or do to stop this from happening._

_He let out a sigh and smirked in false reassurance. Still, Aza ate it all up, having a weight lifted off her chest._   
_"I'll tell you what, Spider...take this." He fished his lighter out of his pocket and held it between two slender fingers._

_Aza couldn't help but gasp, ever so slightly._   
_"This...this is your lighter, you never go anywhere without it. Wh-"_

_"Exactly," he said. "Keep it for me until I return, alright?"_

_It was hard keeping up a sad face when Kaizer Macht was smiling. Aza could certainly not manage such a feat._

_The sound of the Commander's booming voice echoed above all conversation, calling his soldiers to depart. Before Aza could register anything, her father took her hand in his and dropped the golden lighter. He turned his back in a flash and mounted on his steed to join his troop. A dashing, bittersweet smile was the last thing Aza remembers seeing that day._

_"Keep it for me until I return."_   
_Because you will return...right, Da?_

_Aza should have paid more attention to his answer when she had asked him for a solid promise. She should have noticed how he didn't promise anything and gave her his lighter instead. The one thing that had stayed with him through thick and thin, the one possible memorabilia...he gave away._

_Technically, her father never broke his promise, for he never made one, to begin with._   
_Technically, Aza didn't have a reason to be angry when on the day of the Scout's return she received nothing but a torn-off badge of the Military Police._   
_Technically, Aza's mother was right when she shrieked about how he should have never taken that job, while Aza held her crying form, patting her head._

_Technically...Aza was starting to be sick and tired of technicalities._

_Things progressed fast from then on, which was a strange concept, because to Aza, it felt as if the days were turning to years. Kaizer Macht's lack of a proper Will meant all of his family's fortune was donated to the state, leaving Aza and her mother with nothing but an MP's widow pension. Somehow, Kaizer never thought he'd die this young, and moving out of the Macht mansion was probably the best choice for Aza and her mother. The place was too big and too full of memories for just the two of them._

_The small house they purchased at Trost gave Aza some much-needed perspective. A couple of sleepless nights on her new, cheaply made bed while holding her father's lighter against the shining moonlight, brought her clarity. Ever since she was a child, her father had molded her to become a soldier. To follow in his footsteps and serve a cause._

_Of course, he had meant the military police, and in all honesty, that's what Aza thought she wanted too. Not after that day. Her plans shifted after seeing that bloodstained badge and not knowing how it was retrieved. Her perception of duty changed, and she could see what truly mattered. The work of the military police was not it. Fighting the enemy in the front lines, actively making the world a better place with each kill, was._

_Her mother didn't take the news lightly. There was a lot of screaming, and a lot more crying, on both ends. Maybe a couple of flying porcelain dishes that ended up smashing against the wall and giving Aza the distinctive scar she has on the back of her left forearm._

_'I can't lose you too!'_

_At the end of the day, it was Aza's choice, and it had already been made. A very selfish choice, no doubt. But her choice, nonetheless._

_Her mother's reaction to Aza's choice of career was not ideal. No, scratch that. It was bad, really bad. Yet, Esther's was worse._   
_Aza will forever remember the day Esther had taken a carriage all the way to Trost just to meet up, upon the former's request. She'll never forget the giddiness that bubbled up inside her that came with sharing the news, the way she fiddled with her hands, and how hard it was for her to keep her lips from tugging into a grin._

_She'll never forget how Esther's face fell at Aza's announcement of joining the Scout Regiment._

_Aza expected her to be happy. Not ecstatic, but happy, at least for her. Granted, it was a dangerous job, one that wouldn't permit them to see each other often, but they could have made it work. She expected Esther to be encouraging, to be supportive of Aza's goals and aspirations of wanting to be something more than a rich, ignorant noble._

_She had great expectations, as it seemed. And although Esther's reaction was a lot quieter than her mother's, and a lot briefer...it hurt a hundred times more._

_Aza will certainly not forget the stuttering words Esther spit into her face._

_'You want to join that disgrace of a Regiment, for what? To feel important? To fulfill your deathwish? Don't just look at me, Azalea answer me! Do you want to end up as food for the forest worms, just like your father?'_

_Aza would be lying if she said she wasn't thinking about Esther's words every day through her training year. She thought about them every time she fell on the ground during an exercise. Every time she bathed and the tub's water would turn pink. Every night when she laid on the bed, looking at the dusty ceiling._

_But why on earth was she remembering it now? Why did it feel so darn realistic? Was she dreaming?... Then she should wake up._

_No. Screw that. Waking up right now feeling like a lot of work. And it hurts, for some reason. She should just lay here. wherever 'here' may be, it was warm and comforting._

_"Aza!"_

_That voice was familiar, but Aza couldn't quite put a finger as to why. The hoarse of it was welcome on her ears, but the tone unusual. It sounded scared._

_"Aza talk to me!"_

_That voice..._   
_Shit._

Aza sat up with a brutal start and a gasp for air. The abrupt movement sent a blinding ache down her whole core that nearly made her drop back unconscious. 

Hange dropped the clipboard they were holding between their hands, mouth agape, eyes wide.  
"Shoot! You're awake!" They ran to the bedside, hovering over Aza with cautiousness while she heaved through a fit of coughs. Her hand was gesturing as if to complete something she wished to say but was physically unable to.

"What? What is it? Do you want water- or?"

"My- " cough. "J-Jacket." cough. "Left pock-" cough. "-et"

Hange scurried to the nearest table, where a pile of clothes laid, unfolded, and covered in blood. They grabbed the signature Scout jacket and started patting the top pockets frantically, not bothering to search left or right. Finally, when their hands grabbed the wanted object, their terrified face fell, letting a deadpanned expression take over.

They held the pack of cigarettes and turned to Aza, who was hardily controlling her grin.  
"Seriously?" 

Hange didn't wait for an answer and instead threw the pack at Aza's head with way more force than what could be considered "playful". This only resulted in Aza breaking into loud laughter, which was interrupted every few seconds by violent coughs. 

"God..." she heaved one last time, before finding steady breathing. "It feels like I've been ripped right open..."

"Excellent observation!" Hange exclaimed. No one should ever be this excited about an announcement of that kind. Aza certainly wasn't, given that her eye twitched.   
"You've gone over the worst of the pain these past five days. Don't worry you weren't unconscious, just asleep. To be honest, the amount of painkillers I gave you was enough to drug a horse."

Hange wasted no time in picking up their clipboard again, and taking a clumsy seat onto Aza's hospital bed, previous mood all forgotten. They pointed at the sketches on their hand that seemed like...a rib cage? A very messed up ribcage.

"Your fourth rib on your right side literally splintered out of your body! Besides cutting down more of your side's skin, I even had to sever the bone a little to fit it back inside- and look!" they picked up a small jar with a tiny bone piece jiggling inside. "I kept it in case you wanted to see it!" 

Between Hange's animated gestures of blood splashing everywhere, the sight of her own bone existing out of her body, and the overall smell of the infirmary, Aza was given the urge to vomit. She took a look around, now that her vision had cleared up, and noticed how they were in a secluded room, only Aza's bed taking up space. Someone had even taken the time to change her into a clean shirt and cotton pants.

They never gave the injured secluded rooms to the infirmary, due to the lack of space. Unless it was really a matter of life and death, leaning to the latter, that is. 

"Hanji," Aza took their hand, to stop them from hyperventilating over disgusting details. "Can we get to the part where you explain how I got my rib...go sightseeing?"

They stopped and then a certain brightness glossed over their eyes as if they were witnessing something fascinating.  
"That's my favorite part. Aza, you were trapped between the jaws of a Titan! If you weren't unconscious when Levi brought you in, I would have made you write a report of your discoveries, right then and there!"

That's when it all came back, smacking Aza in the face. The darkness, the overwhelming pressure, the sound of her own bones breaking, Titan's saliva, dripping down her head as she clung to her sword for dear life, cutting her palms. The sight of Levi crashing against-

Suddenly, Aza's grip of Hange's hands tightened, gaining a surprising whine from the scientist.   
"The Captain. Where is he? Is he-"

"Take it easy, Spider!" Hange pleaded, tearing their hands off the grip before Aza cut off their blood circulation. "The gear hook messed up his leg but he recovered as soon as I stitched him up. Only you could have missed his bone just by a fracture."

Aza only realized she was holding her breath when she sighed and pain stuck again. He was fine. They're both fine. Everything is fine. Her gaze trailed to the nightstand beside the bed, where laid a bouquet of decaying lilies, stocked up in a crystal vase. A paper tag was dangling from one of the flowers. 'Get well soon, Spider', it read, signed by all of the Levi Squad members, but not Levi. 

There was a half-assed imitation of the Captain's signature though, no doubt done by Oluo. The difference would have gone unnoticed to the untrained eye, but Aza could tell. Levi never puts a dot over the _"i"_ in his name. Always forgets it.

Aza turned to Hange with a tentative glance.   
"Has he...has he come by at all? Left a message or...something."

Hange's eyes tore away from their comrade, and their face adopted an obviously awkward smile.   
"Sure he has! He came in every day, or um- every other day, and uh..." Their voice trailed off the more time Aza spent glaring at them with a quirked eyebrow. Hange's tell in lying was hidden in the high pitch of their voice. And now they sounded like a squirrel. 

"Okay, shit, he hasn't. Not once."

Why are you even surprised? Aza thought to herself. The more important question was why does the fact that Levi couldn't be bothered to sign a fucking 'get well soon' card, sting so much? She didn't save his life for the gratitude and respect she was supposed to receive afterward, but a 'thanks' would have been sufficient. 

Another, more cynical part of her brain told her to stop thinking like a brat. What difference would it have made if he'd taken the time to stand on her bedside while she was knocked out? None, probably. 

Besides, the Captain was never the sentimental type. 

"Don't be mad at him," Hange suddenly quipped, pulling Aza out of her thoughts. Her disappointment must have been showing on her face. "When he brought you in he..." they stopped themselves. "I've never seen him like that. You were walking a fine line between life and death and I don't think any of us could handle seeing you tip the wrong way."

A pang of guilt struck Aza. She hadn't even spared a thought to the mental strain she put everyone around her into. Selfish, as always. 

Her hands caught the packet of cigarettes Hange threw on her head a bit earlier, and her brows furrowed in confusion.  
"Hey, wasn't there a lighter in the same pocket as those?"

"No, just this pack. I would have felt it otherwise." Hange quipped back, unknowingly crushing Aza's heart into pieces.  
  
She must have dropped it on the mission. Or anywhere, for that matter. It made no difference. She'd just lost the most important object she owned. the last thing her father left behind, that wasn't sold or confiscated. 

Just when Aza thought that this day couldn't possibly get worse, a yellowish envelop landed on her blanketed lap, thrown by Hange. 

"I almost forgot. This came for you on the day of the expedition."

Upon turning the envelope to its upper side, Aza saw the wax seal of the Arenberg mansion.

* * *

  
Levi had never been a master at sleeping, but this past week he had truly outdone himself. 67 hours awake, and still counting. 

During his waking moments, he had decided to be productive. Disgustingly productive, one might say. He had started with supervising a thorough cleaning of the Hq's training grounds (and when he says thorough, he fucking means it. We're talking oiling the gear and everything), proceeded to clean both his room and his office to perfection, then sought to articulate his files into alphabetical order, and assign them new tags with his improved handwriting. He did his, and his squad's whole laundry (making sure to sew over any and all holes in the clothing), re-stocked his tea supplies, volunteered to run over the expedition's funding plan, and finally fixed that damn chair leg that has been wobbling, and wobbling-

Anything to keep him awake. Awake and away from the HQ's infirmary. 

The few times his body dared to give up on him this week, his sleep was short, and when he awoke, he managed to feel even more exhausted. One would expect that after days of going with no sleep, he would get knocked out cold into a dreamless slumber, but no. This week, sleep has been nothing more than a series of torturous nightmares that had him jolting awake, swimming in cold sweat. 

He couldn't afford to fall asleep. Not when all that he heard and screams of pain that didn't belong to him, and all he saw was red, staining the ground, the sky, his clothes, and his face. 

He was re-doing the expedition's paperwork for the fifth time when a gentle knock came at the door of his office. He didn't bother asking who it was and instead stood up to welcome them in, grateful for the distraction. 

Maybe he imagined it, but he thought a small gasp escaped him when he came face to face with Aza. 

His eyes dragged over her form, taking everything in, from the tiny scratches and dark circles littering her face, to the bandages peaking from the collar of her shirt to the way she was constantly re-adjusting her crutches, shifting her weight around them. 

There were a million things he could have said while Aza stood at his door in awkward silence.

_'Finally decided to wake up?'_

_'You're gripping your crutches incorrectly.'_

_'How are you feeling?'_

_'Why is Hange letting you walk around in this state?'_

_'Thank fuck you're alive.;_

A million things, really. Still, his mouth opted for the coldest option, whilst his body made room for hers to step inside the office.

"Officer Macht."

She didn't seem to particularly like that option either, and the proof of this laid in her locked jaw. She chose not to retort anything and hobbled her way into the room. Levi closed the door behind him and walked behind his desk again to clear the files. It wasn't necessary, but he was desperate for something to get his attention off of Aza, standing across from him with an expectant gaze. 

"How's your leg?" she nodded at Levi's wrapped up calve, finally breaking the silence.

"Barely feeling anything," he half-lied. "How's your rib?"

"Only hurts when I'm breathing. You can ask Hange for the details but...I guess you would have done so if you wanted to know."

Levi's hand movements halted upon hearing the hidden snark in Aza's tone. It differed from her characteristic use of irony. This one felt venomous. He walked around the desk and leaned against its surface to properly face her.   
"You came all the way down here just to tell me you're upset?" 

He almost saw Aza's eye twitch at the remark. Oh, she was upset alright. It was a long time since Levi had seen Aza angry, even if her anger hadn't been directed at him. It wasn't a pretty sight. 

"No, I came to see if you're alright, which is more than you cared to do for-"   
She stopped herself and inhaled deeply, in an attempt to keep her cool. "It's not like your visit would have made a difference since I was unconscious, but a sign of care would have been appreciated...sir."

"I've been..."

_expertly trying to avoid visiting you, by working myself to the bone, because I couldn't stand the fucked-up sight of your unconscious body, knowing it's my fault that you were hurt in the first place, for being an incompetent leader. Your blood destroyed my clothes, your screams plague my nightmares, and I've spent this past week searching for a way to let you off my squad to make sure I don't ever have to see you like that again. Because I'm selfish and have worked hard to keep those fucking walls around me and if another person I care about dies in my hands, I won't be able to keep them up._

"Busy. I've been busy."

Levi made sure no emotion showed on his face when he said this. It took him some time, but he'd concluded that the only way to justifiably kick Aza out of his squad was if she quit herself. If nearly dying on a mission under Levi's command wasn't enough to do that, then he would make sure his shitty mouth would be. 

Aza gawked at him. Not believing, (or not wanting to believe) his audacious attitude. She was nearing her limits, he could see it. Good. The sooner they get done with this, the better.  
"What has gotten into you? Why are you acting like this?"

Levi sighed, picking up a random file from behind him and slapping it on the desk for show. 

"Take a wild guess, Macht. This week I've been dealing with a disciplinary report for breaking orders, a mountain of paperwork regarding the expedition, public outrage, and of all things, your mother, who nearly had a stroke once she learned you're unconscious. All of which could have been avoided, had you just followed my fucking orders!" 

He wasn't lying in that regard. He had to deal with all of those things. Lying was the part where he pretended that he cared. He couldn't give a shit about any disciplinary report, or an angry parent. He had been dealing with two at a time every week since he stepped foot into this shithole of a Regiment. Nevertheless, he made it sound like he'd finally snapped. 

Aza's eyes narrowed dangerously. Levi could almost see the cloud of rage that formed around her brow. She was nearing her limit. The sooner the better.  
"You're mad at me...because I saved your life?" 

_Yes. I am fucking outraged. And I would have been fucking devastated if you had died in the process_. 

"Jumping in the line of danger was an idiotic move. Especially since I had ordered you to stand down. You compromised yourself, and for what?"

She took a step forward, throwing her hands around in a fit of anger.   
"You were going to get swallowed by a fucking Titan, what did you expect me to do?"

Aza was nearing her limit. But Levi crossed his first.   
His palm slammed down on the dest, the impact having the teapot and ink bowls shake and clang. 

"Have faith in me, _goddammit!_ " he yelled and could have sworn there was an echo. He hadn't realized he was practically shaking, too preoccupied staring up at Aza's unwavering scowl. The minuscule height difference between them now seemed like a mile. 

Levi sighed, trying to recollect himself, to no avail  
"I would have found a way to rebounce, I-"

"Oh, so you are free to risk your life for everyone at all times, but when someone does the same for you, then it becomes a problem?"

"Exactly." he bit back, earning a scoff from Aza.

"You've been downplaying my selfishness for years, striving to teach me to be a team player through and through. You were the one who said to me that I should always place my soldier's life higher than God itself, for if there are no soldiers left to fight, the war is as good as lost. And when I finally listened, when I followed your teachings, down to the very letter, and sacrificed myself to save the one person capable of saving humanity, you shut me down." 

There was no arguing his way out of this one. She'd been right in every respect, and furious. Levi was furious too. And tired. So fucking tired. The limit Aza was reaching was here now, and holy hell, was she stomping down on it. She didn't allow Levi to talk back. Had he not known any better, he would say that pre-mature tears were glistening in the corners of her eyes. 

"I can't even begin to describe how that makes me feel! You are incapable of accepting what other people are willing to give you. Whether it's their lives or a simple fucking cup of tea! You're not ungrateful, no, I wish you were just ungrateful. You're broken."

Levi flinched.

The sound of a porcelain teacup smashing against the floor echoed in his ears. It was loud. Deafening, even. His breath hitched, denying his brain the oxygen needed to form a coherent thought. Two words left his shaking lips.

"Get out."

His vision refocused for a split second, just enough for him to see Aza's enraged expression contort to something else entirely. Guilt. 

Then he was out of it again. It took every ounce of self-control in him to keep his erratic breathing under a leash. He barely heard the door slamming shut behind him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to comment on how much I love Hange's and Aza's dynamic but I feel like your attention isn't focused on that right now.  
> So; Levi and Aza can be assholes when they're hurting huh? Interesting.


	8. The Search of Aza

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Absolutely no one:  
> Levi in this chapter: I'm angry and I'm about to make it everyone's problem.

_Nine days._

Levi hasn't talked to Aza in nine days.

The first two days went by nonchalantly, with Levi not even noticing Aza's presence was absent from his day to day tasks. He had thought she was resting in the infirmary as she should, or just busying herself with something, the way Levi was. Surely, Hange would have found the time to keep her some company or talk her to death, since she couldn't get up and escape.

It was on the third day he had realized Aza's disappearance wasn't a coincidence by any means. The brat was avoiding him. 

He spent day four unbothered by that realization. Aza wanted to give him the silent treatment. So what? She can't keep her mouth shut forever (although if she had been present, Levi would joke about how that would be a dream come true), and there will come a time when she realizes that Levi's harsh behavior served only her safety and nothing more. If being mad at him is what it took for Aza to stay the fuck out of Titans' mouths, then so be it.

That was on day four. 

By day five all through day eight, Levi had made a ridiculously sentimental discovery. He kinda, sort of, maybe, missed Aza being around. 

It was the minuscule things, that Levi just now figured out made his day much less boring. Things like the way Aza filled him up on whatever had picked her interest this morning while reading the newspaper. 

_'Would you look at that! That bubblegum merch bitch Dimo Reeves is restocking Golden Tobacco from Maria. Finally! No more one hour rides to destroy my lungs for me.'_

The loss of those little, insignificant things seemed to bonk on Levi's head more times than he would have liked. Which is zero. It had become especially nerve-racking. Like when he reached for his teapot to refill his cup with the beverage and realized it had been lying empty for hours.

_'You should really stop relying on me to keep your teapot full, Corporal.'_

_'I will when you stop slouching around my office during your breaks with nothing better to do than refill my pot. Never, that seems to be.'_

Those were in fact the hours when Levi momentarily longed for her stupid ramblings to break the monotony of paperwork. Although the atmospheric silence engulfing his room was Levi's perfect work state, he had started dimming it irritating. He caught himself lifting his gaze from his pile of work to look at his window. That was Aza's preferred seat, back against the sill, cigarette in one hand and some bread crumbs on the other to feed the crows. The damn birds somehow always gathered on the roof tiles outside Levi's window, and so Aza had made a habit out of entertaining them. Or trying, at least. More often than not, they seemed to prefer biting down on Aza's hand rather than the bread. 

_'The crows probably don't like you any more than I do, Macht. Leave the poor creatures alone before you lose a finger.'_

_'You wound me, Corporal!'_

He spent the entirety of his quality free time trying to fix Aza's lighter on day eight. He'd burned himself once or twice when an unexpected flame jumped from the device, fooling him into thinking he'd fixed it. He sat on the task in the early evening and it nearly took him till dawn to finish it. If he hadn't practiced mastery of self-control, he would have broken the lighter worse, by banging it on the table. 

Now on day nine, he stood outside Aza's dorm, waiting for her to stop wallowing and invite him the fuck inside. 

He tried knocking for the fifth time. His limit was usually one knock, but this was Aza we're talking about. Her whiny state took at least three pleas to reason with.

"Macht, you're pushing the limits of your ability to be insufferable right now..." he grumbled, foot tapping rhythmically in impatience. "You win, alright? I'm here, being an adult, so open the darn door."

No answer. Not the slightest sign of life, coming from the other side of the door. He'd never think he'd see the day when he would be begging for someone to talk to him. That was a new low for him, and he didn't like it one bit.

Levi clicked his tongue at the lack of response.   
"Fine, we'll do this my way," he muttered and started carefully cracking his knuckles. "You better be alone and dressed, you shitty brat-"

His grumbling was cut off by the sound of the unhinged doorknob. The wooden door slowly creaked opened, revealing nothing but an empty room. No clothes littered the floor, the bed was perfectly made, and (most shockingly) there were no boces left in the ashtray on the nightstand. For a moment, Levi thought he'd broken into the wrong room, but quickly realized that wasn't the case. 

Aza was just missing. 

With heavy, brooding steps, Levi carried himself down the HQ's basement, and barged into Hange's laboratory, seeking an explanation.   
"Right, so where are you hiding the brat?"

Four-Eyes and Button-up (Moblit) both froze and turned to look at an annoyed Levi, blocking the entrance to the lab, just below a sign that reads 'employs only'.   
"Short-stack, I'm kind of in the middle of something here," Hange trailed off, refocussing on whatever the fuck they had brewing in that vial over the gas pedal.

"I couldn't care less about your Titan eyeballs. I asked you a simple question. Give me a simple answer and I'll be on my merry way."

"Levi, I have a job to do. You know what I don't have though? Any clue of what the fuck you're pissing about!" they barked, causing Moblit's eyes to grow wide at their tone. "You have many brats, none of whose personal accommodations I keep track of-"

"Macht!" Levi interrupted. "Spider, Rich Kid, whatever the fuck you wanna call her. Where is she?"

Levi felt his stomach churn at the way Hange's lips curled into a sly smirk.  
"Oh...you're looking for Aza."

They took off their latex gloves, suddenly having adopted a cheery mood, and waved a dismissive hand at Moblit, who was still as confused as ever.  
"Moblit, you can go now. There's only so much space for a child in this room and the Captain is clearly taking up all of it."

The assistant practically began to sweat under Levi's scrutinizing gaze, not knowing whether following his Lieutenant's orders meant agreeing that Levi is a child. He gave a curt salute and scurried out of the lab before Levi decided to burn holes into him with his eyes. 

"Spit it out Shitty-Glasses. She's not in her room, and she's restricted from stepping a foot into the training grounds, so where is she?"

"Funny how you're so sure I know where she is," they took a loose leaning on the table's edge, furthering their easy-going attitude. If anything, it only confirmed Levi's suspicion that Hange knew exactly where Aza was and was only toying with him right now.   
"What do you need her for?"

Levi's back straightened a little bit without him realizing it. His eyes never once left Hange's but they were entertaining his gaze with an equally playful one, unlike Moblit.  
"Talking."

"Talking or shouting?"

If Four-Eyes makes it out of this conversation alive, they better place Levi on the highest fucking pedestal for sparing their ratty life. Pushing his buttons is not the best strategy to adopt when he's pissed.  
"She told you."

"I heard. As did the whole HQ. You do realize your office isn't built underwater, right?"

Levi sighed pinching the bridge of his nose. Well, that explains the cadet's jumpy attitude around him all week...

"I'm not even going to bother explaining to you what a massive dick you are for handling the situation the way you did," Hange started, now in a more serious tone. It was the most mature Levi has ever heard them. Scary shit.   
"You had your reasons, and I'm sure she said some hurtful things too-"

"If I took offense at everyone talking shit to me, I would have jumped off a window by now. I'm pissed, not hurt. Do I look hurt to you?"

"You look like shit, if I'm being honest," was the crude response, followed by a glance up and down his body, and a twitching lip. "but you always do, so nothing out of the ordinary."

"Nice save, Shitty-Glasses. I'm aware my eye-bags can be seen from the fucking moon, thank you. Now will you tell me the thing I came down here for, or are you going to continue showering me with shitty insults?" 

"You deserve to be showered in insults, alone for the fact that you were creeping outside the infirmary like a coward, instead of going in, but sure." They took off their glasses to clean them with the fabric of their shirt, missing the way Levi's jaw locked in tension. Levi had never been more grateful Hange was fucking blind.

"She took a leave and went to stay at her mother's."

Levi's eye twitched. Erwin had authorized a leave for Aza without Levi's permission. He let off Levi's Officer...without even mentioning it to him. Bastard probably did it for shits and giggles too, knowing it would infuriate the fuck out him. But that was a problem Levi would have to tackle later. 

"Wasn't that hard," he mumbled under his breath and turned on his heel to leave. 

He didn't wait for a proper answer Hange's voice echoed like a siren even when he was halfway out into the hallway.  
"You're welcome, by the way! And next time you interrupt me while working, I'm making you a test subject!"

* * *

  
Aza had once told Levi about a phenomenon called the snowball effect.

It is said that when a handful of snow slips off the top of a slope, it builds up and merges with more snow until it creates an avalanche. Levi doesn't know to what extent this is true, since he's never seen that much fucking snow in his twenty-five years of life. Granted, he hadn't even seen the sky until he was twenty-one, but that's beside the point.

Aza said that the term Snowball Effect explains how a small action can lead to something disastrous and...that's Levi's only justification for this fucking mess.

From the outside, the Macht residence resembled a girl's dollhouse. Her mother had managed to make the most out of the cheap Trost estate building, ensuring the presence of a well-kept (but tiny) garden, perfectly cleaned windows, and (somehow) polished roof tiles. Impressive, Levi should admit. 

He trusted the cleanness of the door enough to knock it with his bare knuckles and then stuffed his hands back in the pockets of his coat. Soon thereafter, the picture-perfect door opened by a fracture, revealing half-a curious face of a woman that seemed to recognize him immediately. 

Aza's mother attempted to snap the door shut. Levi's reflexes, however, were much faster than hers, and so his foot managed to block the closing point. He ignored the tiny pang of pain that came with the banging of the wood on his shoe. 

"You have quite the nerve, coming here, Captain," she huffed a familiar kind of irritation Levi usually received from his soldier's parents. He wasn't particularly popular among them.

"I figured as much."

The woman abandoned her attempts at trying to squish Levi's foot into jello and let the door stay open without inviting him inside. She tried to hide a tired heave with a cough and proceeded to straighten her chin in a noble-like manner. Aza may have been a Former Rich Kid, but it seems her mother never quite kicked the richness out of herself. With a now-clearer view of the woman's face, Levi spotted her cunning resemblance to her daughter. Same facial structure, same nose, and eyes, same...everything really, just in a different color pattern. Apparently, Aza wasn't lucky enough to inherit her mother's auburn hair and green eyes. 

"I'm looking for Aza," Levi decided to end the stare-down. 

"What makes you think I'll allow you to talk to her?"

"The fact that she's a fully grown adult, with enough brains to make her own decisions, as well as the fact that I am her superior officer and I have the right to drag her back to the HQ if need be."

He didn't really. But he was sure everyone would be willing to turn a blind eye should he barge into the barracks, holding Macht by her obnoxious braid. 

"She's not here," the woman bit, obviously not a fan of his comment. "Good day to you sir."

Levi blocked another try of hers to close the door, this time a little more aggressively. His patience was wearing thin, and he was starting to believe that if he did find Aza today, their conversation wouldn't get off with an excellent footing. 

"Look," he said with a clipped tone that had the woman before him gulping. "I have absolutely no concern with whatever hang-ups you may have with me, and I bet Aza has little care for them too. I want nothing more than to talk with the Officer, so if you could just-"

"Hang-ups?" the woman scoffed a laugh that was in no way humorous. Her eyes adopted a dangerous glint. "Your orders almost got my only child killed! You have been endorsing her antics since the day she stepped foot into that wretched Regiment and now it has finally paid off! You broke her..."

_'You're broken.'_

Levi suppressed the shiver that ran down his spine. He forced whatever concern that Aza might have told her mother about the fight, into the back of his head. Obviously, the woman was being literal, and the awful choice of words had nothing to do with him.

But this was new. Levi had heard the "it's your fault" speech before. Many different versions of it. It was the aftermath of always taking up the task of bearing the tragic news to the soldiers' families. This was different. He'd been blamed for many deaths, but never for someone's enlistment, or more specifically, someone's refusal to desert. 

Levi had only asked Aza about the reason for her enlistment once, and he was satisfied with the answer enough that he didn't ask again.

_'To kill Titans, sir. Why else?'_

The anguish in Elizabeth Macht's voice almost made Levi take a step back. He didn't want to imagine what this conversation would have gone like if Aza had wind up dead. Surely, he wouldn't be leaving this place unscathed. 

"She hasn't spoken a word during her entire stay. She barely has the strength to pick up a fork to eat! On God, whatever she went through on that expedition has turned her into this- this...shell of a human being! You let her wobble back here on crouches, with half a ribcage, and now you dare ask for permission to speak with her? When no one has bothered to check on her in an entire week?"

Levi briefly considered telling her how he was the one who brought Aza back. How he was the one at fault for her injury, and how he tried to make amends by carrying her through the forest in the dead of the night, allowing himself to collapse only when he'd completed the task.

He decided against it. It was a petty move that wouldn't amount to much. He didn't need Elizabeth Macht's respect, any more than he needed shit beneath his shoes. 

His next tactic was based on telling her he didn't need permission to speak to his Officer, and it was more of a demand instead. But that approach would cause more harm than good. As a last resort, he decided to put in the barest of efforts to appeal.

"I understand your anger," Levi said, ignoring the concealed roll of the woman's eyes. "The anger that comes with sitting on the sidelines, unable to do anything when someone you care about is lost. Believe me, that feeling has a permanent residence in my mind. I might not grasp the parental aspect of it, but I understand it..."

Elizabeth's firm grip on the door frame loosened. Levi didn't want to call it a win just yet, but he didn't miss the way her eyes flickered to the floor, avoiding his. 

"I can assure you, I protect all of my subordinated to the best of my abilities. But this is the Scout Regiment. Some incidents can't be helped by my hand, or anyone else's, for that matter. You better make peace with that fact."

It wasn't exactly the inspirational monologue a grieving parent wished to hear, but it was all Levi had to offer. Despite how many times he did this, it never seemed to get any easier. He expected a spiteful remark, or at least another attempt to close the door at his face. On the contrary, the woman had finally lifted her softened gaze, just enough so Levi could spot the faint hint of vulnerability behind it. 

See, this is why he doesn't want kids. 

"I can appreciate clarity if nothing else," she snarked as a flimsy effort to build up her bruised pride again. "I didn't lie to you before, Captain. Aza is not here. But I'll tell you where you can find her."

* * *

Of all the places in Trost, an eerie cemetery is not the place Levi would think to look for Macht. 

From the rotting metal gates and the raised flower beds to the stone sculptures that seemed to stare into your fucking soul, Levi couldn't imagine how anyone could find peace in this place. He felt like a fool while making his way across the cut grass with no direction, lost in the sight of newly turned soil and mossy grave heads. 

He spotted a lonely figure sitting atop a rusty bench, looking out into the nothingness. He approached the person with the recognizable braid, very mindful of where his airy steps laid. Aza didn't react upon him sliding into view. Even when he sat down next to her (at a reasonable distance to give her space), she gave no sign of acknowledgment. 

She somehow managed to look worse than the day she woke up from her death bed. Her cheeks were hollow, half hid into the dark-colored scarf that was wrapped around her neck. The dead look in her eyes rivaled that of the actual deceased, lying six feet under. A letter was caught in her grasp, and even though she clutched it tightly, her hands seemed lifeless. 

She didn't speak, neither did he. For a moment, Levi was reminded of the day at the Arenberg's dinner party, where they were engulfed in comfortable silence. Somehow this was nothing like that day, and yet all the same. This silence rolled in thick and heavy like fog, forcefully stuffing itself down Levi's throat. 

Finally, Aza speaks, her voice worn and quiet.  
"Esther Arenberg and I were supposed to get married. That was before I joined the Scouts."

A pregnant pause.

Should Levi be surprised? No. Both Macht's and the blonde runt's attitude at the dinner party made it painfully obvious that the two had a colorful history. Levi was just surprised by how colorful. Nevertheless, what happened three years ago didn't much explain Aza's current numb state. Nor the reason why they were sitting in a chilly fucking cemetery.

Levi turned his head with a raised eyebrow, but Aza purposefully ignored the gesture. She continued to look straight ahead as if that helped her speak more freely. 

"She died last week."

Suddenly, the sound of wind rustling through the tree leaves became horribly loud. He raked his mind for something to say to distract him from it before he could stand up and rip the tree's branches apart. Something, anything, to fill the void, even if it's dumb and insignificant. He came up with nothing. Thankfully, Aza continued to speak.

"I should have realized she was sick when I last saw her but I was too preoccupied holding petty grudges..." She gestured to the letter in her hand. "She wrote to me while I was out. I can blame the tardiness on my unconsciousness but hell, I don't know if I would have read the damn thing even if I was awake."

There was a rough edge on her voice, giving away the fact that she was pushing back an annoying sob. The thought of laying a comforting hand on her shoulder crossed Levi's mind. That's as far as it went. It remained a thought. 

"I'd like to believe that I would. I'd like to believe that upon reading this audacious farewell essay, I would request a personal leave and go visit her. Work things out between us like she wished to. But I don't know..." 

When she looked down and realized the letter had started to tremble in her hands, she laughed. Levi wasn't sure whether such a hollow sound should be considered a laugh.

"I don't even know why I'm here," she shrugged and tried to make it seem careless. She failed. "Maybe it's because I can't afford another trip to Mitras to visit Esther's grave and I convinced myself I absolutely needed to sit in a cemetery and have a self-indulgent whine about how miserable life has been these past few days. On the other hand, I don't even know if I deserve to visit her grave. What business would I have seeking forgiveness of a dead person, when I couldn't even bring myself to talk to them when they were still alive. But I've never had anyone's grave to sit beside, and after today I can't say I see the appeal. Why are you here?"

At last, she turned to face Levi, allowing him a glimpse of her teary eyes. People crying would never be a sight Levi was comfortable with. He was too busy trying to find Aza all day that he hadn't had the time to think what he wanted to say when he did. He had dismissed the thought, believing it would come to him when push came to shove. Now it was his turn to look away. 

_To apologize to you, because I've come to the shining realization that pushing people away out of fear of what losing them would do to me, is as good as seeing them dead._

He instinctively gulped. No that sounded like shit, he couldn't say that. This wasn't about him. Yes, he felt grim, and the news of a stranger's premature demise brought him more sorrow than he felt comfortable with. But with that sorrow came a softness, a sudden need to...be there for someone. 

"To give you this."  
He gave out his hand that he'd been keeping closed into a fist. Aza's lighter laid on top of it, shining clean. 

A little gasp escaped her when her eyes settled on the tiny object. She reached out to take it, holding it with shaky fingers as if it would disappear into dust. Levi made a mental note to ask her about the object's significance one day. But for now, he'd settle for enjoying her reaction to getting it back. 

He could swear he almost saw her irises tremble, and continued to watch Aza as her carefully-built facade crumbled to pieces, and her overwhelming confidence was stripped away, leaving her but a ghost. Levi didn't know what his own face looked like at the moment, but he couldn't say he cared much.

"You dropped it on the expedition and I would have given it to you sooner, but it was broken and I didn't-"

Levi's words were cut straight out of his lips when Aza's weight fell onto him where he sat. She wrapped her hands around his waist to a suffocating degree and buried her face into his white-collar shirt. The position was in no way comfortable, and Levi guessed Aza's broken rib would be screaming in protest right about now. One could say this was one of the reasons his hands hovered above her body awkwardly, not daring to initiate any contact.

That was of course until he felt something soak through the fabric of his shirt. The lighter was the final nail on the coffin. Aza's composure disintegrated as she began to cry heavily. The few times Levi has seen Aza cry, it wasn't explosive nor dramatic. Her face remained still as the tears rolled down her cheeks, and her breathing was steady. When Aza cries, it's as if she accepts a loss against her own emotions, looks at her sadness with her chin held high and her arms open wide, in an act of absolute surrender. 

_Take me, crush me. I want this._

So now, when the first sob ripped through Aza, and her grip on Levi's torso tightened, he gasped. The sound was covered by the weeping of the girl in his arms, fisting his shirt beneath his cloak, in an attempt to squeeze the tiniest bit of air particles left between their bodies. 

Levi didn't move for a while. But then, hesitantly, his hands lowered they rested on Aza's head and back. He found it difficult to breathe, but he set the blame on Aza's suffocating embrace. 

And as if things weren't already too sentimental for Levi's liking, he felt a wet droplet land on his head.

He lifted his head and sure enough, the sky's grey color had darkened, completely covering the sun. Little droplets fell on his face, too slim to be visible until the very last moment. It was the quiet, peaceful kind of rain. Too light to draw your hood, but irritating enough to ruin your outside plans. 

Once again, Levi was reminded of why he loathed rain. 

There was a lot to be said, and clearly, a lot more to be done besides gently patting Aza's head, to soothe her rocking sobs. Levi still had to apologize adequately, and Aza still owed him a hell of a story involving the Arenberg runt, and their engagement. Those things could wait. They could talk it over tea and a mountain of paperwork when their heads are clear and their eyes dry. 

For now, Levi synched his breath with Aza's and allowed her to cry her lungs into oblivion. He closed his eyes and craned his neck on the uncomfortable back of the bench (a decision he'd definitely regret tomorrow morning).

He let himself get wet in the pouring rain, in a manner that was cliche in every respect. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays to everyone, I hope you're staying safe while celebrating!
> 
> You know how sometimes when you argue with a person close to you, there's no need for a dramatic apology and you simply switch back to sort of being okay with each other, without really talking it through? That's what I interpret Levi and Aza's friendship as.  
> but there's still a chapter to go, so I guess they do, talk it though huh? We'll see.


	9. The Beginning of the End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Long time no see but...I guess that's my fault. Life has been kicking me in all sorts of ways lately.   
> This is supposedly the last chapter, but please stick around to read the overtly-long ending note

_Tap, Tap._

The sound of Aza's fingers tapping on the wooden table filled the room. It was the only sound that could be heard by outsiders. However, Aza could hear her blood pumping in her ears, and her heart beating against her shattered ribcage. 

_Tap, tap._

She'd lost count of how long she had been sitting in that room alone, but she guessed that was the point. To make her uncomfortable, unsure of herself. She hated to think it was starting to work. 

_Tap, tap._

No windows, the only light coming off a smelly oil lamp on the table. She looked over to the mirror taking up most of the wall. Double-sided, she knew that much. What she had yet to figure out was whether anyone was watching on the other side. If there were, she'd have to keep up her calming act. Anything other than that would be at her disadvantage.

_Tap-_

The door flung open, allowing Erwin Smith's figure to enter the room. Aza's muscle memory kicked in and her feet made her stand abruptly, salute in progress.  
"Commander, sir."

"At ease, Officer."  
He nodded in acknowledgment, that same nonchalant smile he always wore, playing on his face. He pulled the spare chair and took a graceful seat in it, letting the files he carried plop on the table. Aza copied his calm movements to ease her nerves. 

"I believe you understand why Lieutenant Zoe is biased in this particular situation, being a dear friend of yours. Therefore, I will be handling your psychological evaluation, according to their notes." 

The Commander took a handful of papers in his lap and readjusted his chair so that he could face Aza. He constantly had a calculated serenity about him, that many compared to Levi's. Aza, however, disagreed. She found the Commanders peace far more intimidating.

"I'm grateful for your time, sir." She tried to keep eye contact but it was proving to be an increasingly difficult task.

The Commander waved a dismissive hand.  
"It is no bother. Now, for the sake of typicalities, I'm going to need to state your full name and rank."

"Azalea Elizabeth Macht, Warrant Officer of the Special Operations Squad."  
Aza hopped she imagined the hesitation in her voice. It would be troublesome for her to be challenged so early into the evaluation.

"Do you know why you're here, Officer?"

The question appeared to be easy, yet Aza took her time answering. Every blink and hitch of breath would be accounted for, and she couldn't afford to fail this test.  
"I understand I went through something traumatic and that for my safety I need to be evaluated before using ODM gear again."

Erwin's smile grew by a tiny fraction. He seemed as though he was enjoying this, in a very bizarre way.  
"Excellent," he said and took a look at his notes. "You took a leave the week after your accident. What prompted you to make that decision?"

The way he blinked at her, eyes mimicking the closest thing there was to honesty, made Aza realize why it was him conducting her evaluation and not Hange. They wouldn't dare dive into such personal waters, whereas the Commander was more than willing to do so. It didn't matter. If anything, passing her evaluation under the Commander's supervision would make it more credible.

She swallowed, an attempt to collect her thoughts.  
"I was in no state to train at the time, therefore there was no reason for me lingering at the HQ. I took that time to visit my family."

The follow-up question came almost immediately.   
"Could it be that you were trying to avoid something?"

Shit. She took a moment to look at the Commander. His eyes were unreadable, much like the rest of his face. No sudden movement indicating impatience, nor agitation at the lack of an answer. There was no escaping his interrogation. He was content to wait all eternity for Aza to answer, and it better be honest.   
And here Aza thought the Captain's puzzle was hard. 

"I'm not sure I understand the question, sir."

"In that case, allow me to rephrase. Waking up from a coma, in a space surrounded by triggers of your accident must have been difficult. Would you say that you took a leave, out of the need to escape those triggers? I'm talking about the gear, the uniforms...perhaps even the people."

He knows. _Of course_ , he knows. 

Aza tried to turn her gaze towards the double mirror as discreetly as possible. The hairs on the back of her neck rose as a result. _He_ was there, behind the window. Aza couldn't see him, though she didn't need to. She just knew he was there, with a cup of tea in his hand, watching, analyzing as always. 

The Commander's last sentence felt like a slap across Aza's face. A hard one too, one that demanded her to own up to her petty behavior. Admit that she wavered and that her fight with her Captain was the last straw to her abandoning the Hq for a solid week.   
She lacked the proper courage to admit that to her Commander's face.

"I think my time away has been good for me. It helped me gain some perspective, and I feel a lot better than when I first woke up."

Erwin hummed in understanding. His lips parted as if to say something but no words came out for a moment. In light of better judgment, he rearranged his words in his head.  
"I'm going to have to write this down as evading the question."

Aza stirred in place. A tight-lipped smile.  
"I understand."

Erwin made said note, and then raised his eyes to Aza's again.  
"What about your injury? How are you dealing with that?"

Upon mentioning it, Aza suddenly became too aware of the dull ache on her right side. She resisted the urge to touch it, for she knew Erwin would note that down too. She briefly wondered if she would be allowed to smoke during the evaluation, had she been able to inhale the smoke without feeling like her insides were on fire. A lighthearted smirk crossed her face.

"I'd say the biggest inconvenience is not being allowed to smoke, sir."

Erwin seemed to appreciate the joke.  
"I'm glad you're taking this lightly, Officer." 

The questions continued for a little bit longer, but none of them were too complex in comparison to the first ones. Or so Aza thought. By the time they were done Erwin's papers were filled with careful notes, and Aza had nearly dug a hole on the table where her fingers had been tapping. 

"That will be all, Officer Macht," Erwin announced, standing up. Aza followed him, a little more abruptly than she'd hoped. "You'll be updated on your results shortly. Until then, take good care of yourself."

"I will, sir. Thank you."

She wasn't sure what she was thanking him for but it seemed like an appropriate way to end this torture and let the Commander walk out of the room. Once he was out of range, Aza allowed herself a deep sigh, letting the built-up tension flow out of her body. She slipped a finger through the collar of her blouse, hoping to loosen it, and she began walking towards the exit. 

Her feet halted the moment she faced the doorway.  
"Captain."

Levi gave no sign of acknowledging the greeting, seemingly too wrapped up in his own thoughts. He looked as pristine as ever but significantly better than when they met at the cemetery. The bags of sleeplessness under his eyes had faded, and his cravat was arranged properly this time around. All in all, he looked more like himself. 

"May we talk?" 

Aza's concern must have shown on her face because the Captain immediately corrected himself to reassure her.  
"I'm not asking as your Captain."

She wasn't sure if that should be relieving or not. When a door closed another one opened. Right now, the door of a conversation about Aza's career had snapped shut, and the one of a rather personal chat had slowly creaked open. Both sounded ominous knowing the Captain was involved, but Aza made sure that her wariness was well-concealed. 

"Lead the way, sir."

Levi turned on his heel and started making his way down the hall, Aza close behind. She tried not to focus too much on how the idle glow of the sun coming from the windows made the Captain's hair look exceptionally shiny, and instead stay alert on where they were going. Levi took a sudden turn on a hall Aza had never ventured in before and propped open an old door. Despite expecting to see a supply closet, Aza was met with a twirling staircase that seemed to be leading to-

"The roof?" she asked, quite baffled.

"Just keep walking, Macht."

And walk she did. Up the dusty, stone-made staircase, through the second door, and out in the open of the HQ's terrace. The sudden burst of natural lighting made Aza squint and use her palm as shade. It was an unusually bright day for that time of the year. Birds chirping, insects buzzing, sun glowing, and not a trace of last week's thunderclouds in the sky. It was an idle reminder of the excellent weather it had on the last expedition. A bad feeling settled on the pit of Aza's stomach.

The Captain's gentle command snapped Aza back into reality.  
"Sit down."

She took a seat on the ledge, letting her feet dangle off the steep side of the wall. Thankfully, she felt no side-effects like nausea or exhilarating heartrate. There was no place in the Scouts for someone who feared heights. The sound of running liquid made her turn her attention to Levi. He was pouring what seemed to be steaming tea into a cup and then set it on the stone for Aza to take. 

"I believe you have forgotten I dislike tea, Captain," she said, feeling a smile creep its way on her face.

"And I believe that you've forgotten a bet you won against me some time ago."

A bet...no way. 

The memory hit Aza upside her head, dragging her back to a breezy day of her Cadet years and her private practices with (then) Lance Corporal Levi.

_"This is hardly fair," she'd argued, shooing Levi's blade away from her face where it so often resided. "No Titan is going to spar with me when I pull out my blade, much less with your level of skill."_

_Levi stepped away, giving Aza the appropriate space to get up on her feet after being knocked down for the tenth time that day. They had been going at it for hours and the Corporal hadn't even broken a sweat. Aza had been jealous of his stamina, among many other things._

_"You seem to forget that the Scouts don't only fight against Titans. When the Military Police sends us to do their dirty work in the mud pits of the Underground, these skills will be far more useful to protect that sack of bones you call a body."_

_"Ouch," Aza had grumbled, more so referring to her pride, rather than her worn-out 'sack of bones'._

_"Besides, you were the one who asked me to train you, so if you don't like it-"_

_"Fine! You're right. I just despise getting my arse handed to me every single day..." she'd said, pushing her weight onto her feet and getting back into proper sparing position._   
_"But you know what, I'm feeling lucky. This round I'm going to turn the tables."_

_"You've been saying that for the past four rounds."_

_Aza had tried her best not to let the Corporal's comments bruise her confidence any more than they'd already had._   
_"I have a gut feeling about this time."_

_She was plenty aware that she had started to sound like a gambling addict at that point. Nevertheless, a rare smirk crossed the Corporal's face. Maybe it was mocking, or endearing, or maybe totally unrelated to Aza's absurd confidence, but she remembers it clear as day, even though it lasted for less than a second._

_"Since you're so sure about yourself, how about we make a bet? If I beat the dog shit out of you again, you're going to clean the entirety of the female barracks all by yourself."_

_Aza didn't need to be convinced into the challenge. She'd started raking her mind for things she could ask in return, but she didn't have to think for long. Her focus was set on the little metallic box, filled with rare tea leaves, she'd noticed the Corporal keeps in his office_   
_"And if I win, you're going to brew me a cup of those magic tea leaves you keep tucked away."_

_He'd scowled. "That would be such a waste on your awful tastebuds. You think tea tastes like rainwater."_

_"Think of it as an opportunity to convince me otherwise."_

  
She stared at the cup in front of her, as if knowing that the tea was made by those rare leaves instantly made it magical.   
"So now, after almost three years of claiming I cheated, you admit I won the bet?"

Levi scoffed and turned to look at the view, in avoidance of Aza's prying smile. Despite the slight annoyance staining his face, he looked unusually serene. This must be a place he visits quite often. Or used to, at least.

"Technically it was cheating since it was a swordfight and you pulled out a knife. My knife, at that. But you also did cut me, so I suppose it counts as a win."

Aza felt her smile grow tenfold at the reminder of the Captain's enraged face when he'd realized she had snatched his knife off its harness. She had figured by now that receiving recognition from Levi was something very dear to her.   
But something felt off. 

"Captain I know you didn't just wake up today and decided to keep a three-year-old promise," she said, looking at Levi's face for any signs that could explain this gesture. There was none. "What is this?"

There was a moment of silence. Levi swallowed hard.  
"It's an apology."

Aza blinked. Had she been bolder, or more focused, she might have asked Levi to repeat himself. He was looking straight ahead, oblivious to Aza staring at the side of his face, eyes wide, alarmed. Luckily, the lack of response didn't discourage him. 

"I'm aware that I can be grumpy, and cold, sometimes even hurtful, and hard to be around. I come with a shitload of baggage nobody fucking asked for, and trying to be my friend must be considered borderline torture but-"   
He sighed to stop himself from rambling. Aza knew how much Levi hated rambling.   
"What I was trying to say, before I turned this into a self-loathing intervention, is that... I'm sorry. For making you feel like you are unappreciated." 

Aza averted her gaze. Despite it being beautiful to the ears, this apology felt wrong.   
"You have nothing to apologize for," she said and looked at her swinging legs.   
"You were right. I should have followed your orders and avoid jeopardizing the mission. It's me who should be apologizing. I said some horrible things that should have never been spoken to a superior-"

Levi interrupted her with a shake of his head. He almost looked pissed. No, not pissed. Offended.  
"I believe we are way past the point where we think of each other as subordinate and superior." he gruffed.

An unexpected smile crept into Aza's lips at that. For the sake of continuing this conversation, she bit back whatever coy remark hopped to her tongue about _'thinking of each other.'_

"What are we then, Levi?" 

She knew the question was too open-ended for his liking, and it showed on his sower scowl. Yet, she enjoyed every bit of seeing how her words confused him, and his efforts to finding an eloquent answer, all displayed on his face. It was the smallest of punishments she allowed herself to entertain.

"I'd like to think we're friends. Good friends."

It was a shame Aza didn't account for Levi's sharp tongue in her calculations. He would never allow her to get away with such a question. Not without giving back an equally confusing answer. Still, she enjoyed every bit.

"Good," she smirked and took the first sip of the mysterious tea. Her expression soured. "I'd hate to ruin our friendship so early, Captain, but this tastes like sweat."

Levi snatched the cup right out of Aza's hand with a huff while she laughed. There was no doubt he was going to drink it up himself since he enjoyed it that much.  
"You have a very shitty taste for a Rich Kid, y'know."

Rich kid. To think a day would come when she'd be grateful to hear that nickname... 

"And you have weird interests for a man in his twenties. Collecting tea leaves? Really?"

"You're one to talk. You've been collecting mediocre test scores, which is a lot more embarrassing."

Aza's jaw dropped, playfulness all forgotten.   
"You snooped through my files?" She wished her tone hadn't come off so high pitched.

Levi rolled his eyes, clearly enjoying himself.  
"I'm your Captain. Your files are mine to snoop through whenever I please." He took a generous sip out of his cup. "And don't try to change the subject. You aren't getting away with having a single-digit solo killing score. Not without a proper explanation."

Aza should have known this day would come and should have been prepared. Still, all the amount of preparation and excuses wouldn't stand a chance against Levi's bullshit detector. So she might as well be straightforward.  
"I'm avoiding promotion."

"Yeah, no shit. The sky is also fucking blue," Levi tsked, and Aza had to suppress the need to chuckle. "Why are you avoiding the Corporal's position?"

"It's a huge responsibility," she admitted. "Not that I'm slacking, or anything. I'm just...scared of it. I don't believe I'm ready to bear responsibility for someone's life. As proven recently, I can't even keep my own life in check."

Levi said nothing and it deranged Aza. She expected a lecture, or in the least, a mocking comment. Maybe even a proverb about facing your fears, only sparkled with some cruse words to fit Levi's way of speech. Her expectations were way off.

"I wasn't ready either," he responded. "I'm still not."

A small laugh escaped Aza. "Like Hell you aren't."

Levi set his cup down. His expression turned more serious if such a thing were possible.   
"I'm serious, Macht. There's never a time when you're ready for the burden of losing a soldier. The thought of kids throwing their lives away for a cause I'm leading terrifies me. Yet I still step up, I still fight, I'm still trying. Because what else is there to do but try?"

That made Aza pause. When looking at the bigger picture of what the Scouting Regiment really is, you'll realize it's all nonsense. A bunch of selfless idiots, hanging themselves upside down from trees, for the sole purpose of making this world just a tiny bit better. The Titans never seem to become fewer, the world is still pretty awful, and the idiots wind up dead on most occasions. It's all pointless and cruel. So, so cruel.

But...they were still trying.

The sun kept coming out in the mornings, the flowers kept blooming every spring, and new idiots kept coming in every year, ready to throw their lives away, again and again. Because what else was there to do but try? Try, try and try some more, and then maybe, a day would come when the world wouldn't be so awful. Maybe that day is today, or in a hundred years from now, or never.

They'll never know if they don't try.

The morning breeze suddenly picked up, blowing Aza's bangs away from her forehead. It carried a strange, but wonderful smell and Levi seemed to notice too, judging by his scrunching nose. Aza smiled at him.

"Isn't that what we're all here for?" she asked, gaining his attention. "To dedicate our hearts to the cause. Why does that frighten you?" 

The thought frightened her too but knowing the Captain shared that feeling was intriguing. Once again, she seemed to forget Levi was as much human as everyone else (if not more), with fears and insecurities that he had yet to conquer. 

"Because I can't seem to ever keep a life entrusted in my hands."

The answer was short and somehow managed to send a chill down Aza's bones. Her fright stemmed from the idea of loss and great responsibility, but for Levi that idea was reality. How many soldiers has he lost, really? How many friends? Aza looked upon him with furrowed eyebrows and a hint of sympathy that he was sure to pick up. She opened her mouth and words seemed to flow on their own.

"You can't expect yourself to ever stop being afraid of losing people. Fear is what keeps us alive. And you being afraid of loss even though you've had such a bitter taste of it, only goes to show that you're a great soldier and an even greater human."

He turned around, eyes just a tiny bit widened, mouth slightly agape. The look of surprise suited him, and now that Aza wasn't on the brink of death, she could properly enjoy it. Yes, catching Levi off guard is one of life's secret pleasures.

"You think I'm a good person?" The wonder was evident in his voice. 

"I think you possess a remarkable amount of kindness. This monstrous world we live in could have killed you, turned you inside out, and yet you wake up every day and impose on it, determined to make something out of it. That's kindness. The most radical kindness." 

"Radical kindness..." Levi repeated as if testing how the word sounded in his mouth. He half-smiled.   
"You make me sound like a ray of fucking sunshine, Macht. If your radical kindness means to fight against the odds of a shitty world, then every Scout is kind."

"I didn't use to be." Aza frowned slightly. "Growing up in Sina, well...let's say it tempered with my morals more than I can begin to articulate. I became a Scout thinking I want to change the world, but really it was for much more selfish reasons. I thought doing something such as joining the Regiment would make me useful, that it would shatter the unfulfilling life I had until then. And it did, but not in the way I had imagined. You and the other Scouts taught me what believing in something bigger than yourself truly meant, and how to prioritize others before me. You taught me radical kindness." 

Levi hummed in approval and raised his cup in a subtle toast.   
"People like you and me, remember?"

Aza thought of a brilliant ballroom, velvet dresses, and gentle piano music. She raised her cup too, with no intention of drinking to the toast. 

"We'll save humanity."

Just as their cups were about to cling in harmony, the door leading to the roof burst open with such force it banged against the wall. The sound startled Aza, almost making her drop her cup. Both her and Levi turned towards the entry, searching for the source of the commotion. 

A lone Scout stood in the doorway, body shaking erratically. He was heaving, chest rising and falling at great heights, as though he had been running for hours on end. The look of horror that filled his eyes was close to what Aza had seen on the faces of dying soldiers, so many times before. That, combined with the visible sweat drenching the soldier's hairline, almost made Aza want to look behind him for any imminent threats. 

"Captain Levi, sir!" he shouted, just then remembering he had to salute. Levi's expression remained impassive, but his muscles were tense.

"Spit it out."

The soldier's jaw fell open, and for a moment no sound came out.  
"T-The Walls sir! _Shiganshina has been breached!_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cue the first episode of Attack on Titan.   
> Yes, I am perfectly aware the ending is a bit too open-ended, but no I had no intention of rushing it. This was the outline of the last chapter since before I even started writing this fic. My point is, since this sets a little bit pre-cannon where the Plot of AoT is only beginning, there was no way of giving the story a perfect closure. You can choose to imagine Aza dies in the first five minutes of the actual series, or that she lives long enough to see the beach, where she would have undoubtedly dragged Levi into the sea by force. Either way, I'm leaving it up to you....eh sort of.  
> Truth is, I have written a small Epilogue that I'm not sure if I'll post. Again, it is not a well-rounded and perfect ending, but it takes us a few years into the feature and gives a subtle clue as to what happens to Aza, the way I have envisioned it. The reason I haven't yet decided if I'd like to post it is because I don't know whether you, the readers, like this open ending better.   
> So tell me, if you'd like. Would you be interested in me posting the Epilogue, or do you prefer whatever scenario you've crafted in your head? Or have you no opinion on it at all and would settle with both? I'd appreciate the commentary.  
> All in all, thank you so much for reading. Seeing everyone enjoy my fics is an irreplaceable source of joy during these difficult times, and I'm ever so grateful for your time, emotional investment, and support.   
> For any of you who are interested in my shitposts and my future fic plans you can always message me on tumblr, my ask box is open.  
> Thank you,  
> -Mayo :))


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